Friday, November 19, 2010

Hi world!

I've settled into wordpress. It will never be the same, but it's nice to have made a new blogosphere home. As soon as exams (horror!) are over, i'll be trying to devote some quality blog-time to breaking in my new pad.

Surprisingly, some wonderful bloggers have found the hovel since i left it, and the comments they have left made me smile - something which hasn't been easy recently. It reminded me why i love the blogosphere so much. Finding people to talk with, people's opinions to read, new things to learn... Love it.

My last post was dismal, and less eloquent than i generally prefer to be. However, it was fitting for my mood at the time... because i've been blackballed at my church, my second home, for standing up to two other girls who were being bullied. Because i'm always the 'tough' one, the minister there sided with the bully. That's a very simplified explanation. But there are no words to describe the searing pain that i feel when i think of how the minister behaved, how he treated me after knowing me for 11 years and seeing me grow up. In such a short amount of time he went from my inspiration to my nightmare. What made it worse? The fact that i've not found a single person who agreed with him - and yet not one single person thought that i was worth enough to stand up for, that i was worth anything. For all the church preaches, about aeccptance, standing up for what's right, treating people well and being fair... the church i thought was leading the way in community outreach, and doing amazing things... Turns out they're hypocrites.

It's been a month or so. I don't cry every day now. But i feel like i've been kicked in the stomach everytime i think of church, or anytime something reminds me of the home i used to have there (which is pretty much everything). I was threatened into quitting my job, my friends abandoned me as they were too weak to stand up for what they believed in, and any purpose i thought that i had in life was demolished. It's horrendous. I won't ever get over it. I don't understand it, so i can't move past it.

Exams are nearly over; one more next friday. With all the bad things that happened this semester, not just at church, but with my family and my health, getting through these exams has been monumental. But i'm nearly done, and then i get a break, at last, which will hopefully help. Although, my summers used to be full of activities and events that i ran for my church... and now they'll be empty, through no choice of mine. It's scary. And lonely...

I'll survive, don't worry about that. I know i can go on, without being happy. I know that eventually things will be ok. But for now, i shall write like a prophet of doom. Although, i'll be doing so from wordpress, because the betrayers, the hypocrites, the mean people who hurt me - they can't get to me there. If you don't know those people, and you still like what you've found in the hovel, leave me a comment or throw me an email and i'll cyber-direct you right over to my new digs. If enough of you come, i'll throw a blog-warming. It's lonely over there! Either way, thanks for the comments.

They made my november.

Friday, August 20, 2010

you wouldn't believe how much life sucks right now. and i can't even blog about it. not like anyone cares.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Ok, so it's been a long time, no blog. I promise, i have missed you all out there in the blogosphere, but i've been cheating on you with the unfortunate happenings of real life. Here's the lowdown on the last month or so...

* I have immense piles of uni work to do that are just not getting any smaller. Terrifying. 
* There are photo albums next to my bed waiting to rearrange, and magazines on the other side waiting to be read
* I need more storage in my room; arguing about this led to the confirmation of my belief that although my parents love me, they do not like me
* Work has been crazy, with various differences of opinion leading to those conferences where people are on their best behaviour
* We have a new office manager; she's awesome
* We lost two staff at the deli and are short handed... unfortunate, because i actually have to work all of the shifts that i'm rostered on for
* I'm scarily close to the end of my degree (ok, so still 2yrs to go, but still) and have no idea what to do next
* I've got a new job prospect for the summer that's quite exciting (fingers crossed it comes through) - so i won't have to work overtime at the deli!
* I've developed some addictions to trashy tv... think Ghost Whisperer, Medium, Will & Grace... and a million other things
* Overall, i live a fairly boring life! Deary me...

Ok, so now you've caught up on all of the nothing that's happened since i was last here. With everything going on at home and work i couldn't bring myself to blog too (especially seeing as there's been a re-run of the episode 'people don't like confrontation or my blog'). Bloggie even went private for awhile, but that made me sad, so i came back. And created a new blog, for being sensible. And hopefully the misconception that i am evil will dissapate.

Ok, i'm so stressed that i'm fluttering and am wound so tightly that i am slightly dizzy - hence the crazy tone to the blog. Me swear me no crazy.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Uni went back last monday. Already, i'm over a week behind. You see, i did five exams during exam week, and got results for five of my topics (P, P, P, C. D in case anyone was interested). Then there was my evil intensives topic. The whole class (of 200) failed the first one, then most of us failed the resubmission, and then we had to have an interview with her to discuss everything that we did wrong and prove that we weren't idiots. My interview was this week. I didn't find out about it until monday, and spent most of the week preparing for it. So any chance to spend the week studying and getting on top of study was lost. 

I passed the intensive. 

But now i'm behind. And this weekend is a writeoff because of a million reasons. So, im going to spend the whole term playing catch up. Such fun...

Saturday, July 17, 2010


I spent the last week in Melbourne with Loz. It was so fantastic to get away, relax (more or less) and have nowhere to be and nothing to do. We were as free as the wind (albeit sick, those silly children at kids club having given us all of their germs!). We stayed with my sister and her partner, and got to meet her gorgeous little girl - my niece - for the first time. Ruby Kate is 9 months old, very long and very skinny with an average sized head (we heard all of the statistics). I adore her. 

We were there five days. In that time, we paid for no trams, shopped every day and watched trashy foxtel tv with Pix when we got home at night. It was excellent!!

On monday, we managed to get a tad lost... you see, our map did not reflect the updated tram routed. Oopsie! Running late already, we ended up on a tram running completely the wrong way. Deciding to hop off, we ran for the doors... Loz got through but i was not so lucky. This led to the hilarious scenario of me staring at her through the glass doors as the tram moved away. Thankfully, i could jump off at the next stop and haul my suitcase back to her. Eventually Pix came to pick us up. We weren't actually lost, we knew where we were and where we had to go... but finding a tram that would take us there was hard!! We were only five minutes away really. We got in and met the lovely baby before racing to get changed, nearly missing our taxi and hauling ass to Patee Thai in Brunswick street. 

There, we met up with Robyn, the awesome girl that i met on my tour of Ireland back in January. It was so fantastic to see her!! She brought her sister along, and the four of us say on the floor amongst embroidered cushions and elaborate designs, to devour a fairly impressive amount of thai food. So much that the man taking our order laughed at us (he was odd though, he said the orange juice was toxic, but it seemed fine to me!). We got along well, there were no awkward silences and after a few hours we were sad to part ways. Robyn was off on a trip of her own, so unfortunately we didn't get to hang out more!!

Tuesday, we slept in (WOO!). We met Pix's nanny, a lovely girl our age, named Jess. She's studying law/business at uni and nannying a few days a week. Smart idea, it pays super well. She sent us on our way to the Docklands, Melbourne's newest cool-zone... and we proceeded to promptly get lost. Wandering amid giant bunny sculptures and cows stuck in trees, we went full circle with still no idea of where we were going - so we stopped at Gloria Jeans for delicious toast. Mmmmm. Eventually, we figured we'd hopped off the tram in the middle of the Docklands. The DFO (our original destination) was back the way we'd come, and Harbour Town was ahead of us. We made our way to HT first. It was incredibly huge and incredibly awesome. A few hours later, we'd bought boots on sale, scarves, various items of clothing and assorted accessories. We'd also enjoyed the fake snow area where kids were making snowmen, and the machines that blew fake snow across the walkways. 

On schedule, we retraced our steps and found the DFO. Our sense of achievement was immense. The pain in our feet was also immense. So we made it quick as we zoomed around the enormous complex. Buy of the day? Awesome top/hoodie/dress to wear over leggings and chillax in from country road ($100 reduced to $20). Melbourne sales are incredible, i swear. 

We made it home without further tram-related drama, woo!! Enchiladas for tea, then an excellent night of watching pageant babies on foxtel (complete with follow up showing the girls at 17). Hilarious. 

Wednesday, we had plans to watch the new SATC2 movie, because we were still knackered and recovering from KC last week... but we slept until 11am, took a long lunch at the Chocolate Lounge above Spencer Street Station (most amazing mocha i have ever experienced), and meandered through the DFO for awhile. JayJay's proved most surprising, yielding a cool dress and awesome tutu skirts. Not to mention the awesome earrings. We gave up early today and headed home, to chill with Pix on her day off and order thai for dinner (coincidentally from the same place that we'd eaten on monday!). More trashy foxtel viewing ensued. 

On Thursday, we again slept in. Eventually, we managed to drag ourself into the city, where Starbucks provided our morning coffee hit. Amazingly, when we ventured into Supre, we were stunned to find that 'slutty' is apparently only a clothing option in SA. In VIC, Supre is awesome. Normal clothes for normal people. Real love set in when we went upstairs and everything was crazy cheap. I ended up with a tie dye skirt for $8 and an awesome jumper for $16. Supre in melbourne is awesome. And they have an online store :P Target led to slightly less cheering rewards, but wasn't a total failure. Myers and DJs were less appealing. Sick to the death of wandering the streets, we headed home. 

With a few hundred written pages of instructions from my sister, we picked baby Ruby up from daycare. It was a scary place, with babied lined up in cots everywhere... she was glad to escape!! We walked home and spent the afternoon playing with toys that made funny noises and were attractively bright. Rubes was a cranky pants because she'd missed her nap, but food (although it went everywhere) helped. Aaron came home in time to bath her, and Pix managed to restrain her calling to check up on us to a cool half dozen times. Ruby was smiley smiley by the time she walked through the door. Indian take-away tonight, and masterchef... then Loz and i met the difficult challenge that was fitting all of our new crap into our suitcases while watching True Beauty on the telly. Ahh foxtel, how i shall miss you.

I got up early on friday to spend some more time with the bubs, who was smiley with me and grizzly with her mum and dad, so yay to me. Pix took us to the airport (where we stocked up on Krispy Kremes for the folks back home and i got 'randomly' checked for explosives) and we headed home. We got home sicker and possibly just as tired as when we had left, but we were far more relaxed and better dressed. 

It was super fun getting away for awhile. Our plans to do things other than shop required too much energy to organise, but that was just fine with us. We achieved all of our shopping goals, except for a failure to succeed in finding brown flat boots, which we both were looking for. Not bad overall. I loved my little niece, and it was fun spending time with my sister. I think she and i are very similar, which is fun. So, i'm now broke, very sick and back at work (so stress levels are sky high). But, i have a week worth of pleasantness to look back on. Yay for melbourne!!

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Truths For Mature Humans -
(Thanks to Skittles for this! It's so true)

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

20. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

21. I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

22. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

23. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

24. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

25. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

26. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

27. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

28. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!


There aren't many ways to test human survival without the aid of a plane crash, natural disaster or end-of-the-world situation. Kids Club, however, is an excellent test. 

With only five or six adults, and a team of unreliable but lovely teenagers, looking after fifty kids a day is a zoo. Each day begins before 8am and is unlikely to end before 6pm. That in itself is a test of endurance. But it's more than that; your voice gets sore from yelling, your mouth gets sore from smiling and pretending to be cheerful for the kiddies when you just want to curl up and sleep, your brain hurts from trying to watch six rooms and once and ensure that every leader is where they are supposed to be and where doing what they are supposed to do (and, in the case of the zoo yesterday, make sure they're not bulldozing over other, non-kids club people!). It's a marathon. 

As of around 7pm last night, KC July '10 was over. WOO!! We all survived. Some in better health than others. I have heaps to do at work before all the loose ends are wrapped up and i can get to work on the next program, but i have a week off next week and am going away so i don't have to worry about it for a teeny while. Hurrah!!

Despite all of the stress, it was a great week. Most things went off without a hitch (you can't expect a 10% success rate when working with kids!) and both the kids and parents had an amazing time; we got heaps of positive feedback. And even though some kid nicked off with my giraffe painting, i did score some fluffy tiger ears from Monarto yesterday. Yay!

Wednesday, July 07, 2010

This week i've been busting my ass at kids Club. This term, it's just been one stress after another. If it isn't our excursions being double booked, it's a lack of children meaning that our budget will result in a deficit of thousands. If it's not other leaders being cross with me, it's leaders telling me how to do my job - or worse, leaders deciding that they know better than me, and overruling any decision that i make.

I know how to do my job. I know that i am. We've increased numbers from 30 a week to 90, as of last holidays. This holidays we have 40 per day, which is as many as we can handle. We were worried about numbers but have had over a dozen registrations this week alone. We've had three good days so far, doing all sorts of new activities. When you're working with kids, nothing ever goes 100% according to plan, and i don't expect it too - but things have gone fairly smoothly and i'm pleased with how much the kids have enjoyed our new activities, like horse-riding yesterday and a visit to the conservatory today, and tie-dying on monday. People criticise every single activity, and every single plan. I can deal with that, because i know i always take it too personally. 

I spend all day making sure that 40 children and 15 adults/teenagers are in the places that they are supposed to be. Everyone else worries about the one or two jobs assigned to them. I'm fairly sure that the new helper thinks i'm a bitch, because i have to use my angry voice sometimes with leaders to get them off their asses. I know, i know, they're volunteers and whatever. But they're there to help! Not play playstation. But people don't remember nice things, only the times when i put on my angry eyes. The kids are much less judgmental; they know when i use my angry eyes i mean business, but they also know that the rest of the time i am good fun and will let them have a pretty free reign. It's no wonder that i love those little kids. 

It's hard working in a team like this one. We all have very strong beliefs about what it takes to do this job. As people, these people are lovely. As co-workers, all we ever do is argue and battle. Just like tonight. But it's MY job to run kids club. Their input is to the worship and teaching time. When it comes to making other decisions, that is what i am paid to do. I hate that people don't let me do my job. Endless arguments are immeasurably draining. Being ignored by people who think they know better but are undoubtedly wrong drives me crazy. Being snapped at for putting and end to the endless discussion is frustrating. Being faced with crying people when they don't get their way is annoying. Implying that i help create an unpleasant working environment is downright infuriating.

I like my job when i am left to it. I like talking to the parents, i am proud of what i have achieved. Parents are happy, kids are happy. Leaders, however, are never happy. Team members are never satisfied that i know what i am doing, that i have been in this area for half a dozen years and often know what works, and what's good and what's best. I need to be trusted to do my job. I need not to be questioned on everything. I need not to feel threatened by secret meetings. I NEED these things to work in this job. I don't need autonomy, i need trust and the authority to do my job without a battle at every turn. 

I could quit. But i know that will snowball into a disaster and i don't want to be at a church where i've been forced out of a job i was good at. I'm hating this so much. I'll give it until the end of the year, and if things don't improve then i'm leaving. Don't know what i'd do without this job..

Monday, June 21, 2010

Jeremy Clarkson

I was watching Top Gear this evening. Jeremy Clarkson is so happy with his job. He clearly loves his family and his work and his cars and his life. I want to be like him. Done. 

In other news, I ran into someone who used to go to church on the weekend. They used to come a few years ago, and last year they came back. They have since disappeared again. I didn't want to have to suffer though the polite conversation, so i avoided eye contact. But it was too late. He saw me. 
"Hi... Sarah, isn't it?"
Gee, thanks. You've known me for years. I know your sister. You haven't seen the only other Sarah that ever went to church in about four years. And Sarah isn't even close to Annabel. It's good to know i'm completely immemorable.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

So. I was going to tell you about a talk i had with a manager at work, about his life. Then maybe i thought about telling you about my stupid family. I could always complain about the enormous amount of work that i have to do. Or how exhausted i am? But i'm exhausted and overworked, so i can't be bothered. Sorry blog world. Not that you care. 

I'll be back when procrastination hits the big time.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Youth Retreat

Despite reservations, on saturday evening i headed to Aldinga to join the older youth on their weekend retreat. I've not been having the best time of it recently, in part due to exams, and to the fact that work is making my life hell - apparently, i shouldn't be taking time to study... so i've been hardly sleeping, and hardly interacting with the outside world. I wasn't quite sure how the camp would go. Sometimes i get along with people, sometimes i don't. Sometimes i fight like hell with Mark, sometimes annoying people drive me a little crazy, sometimes the tiniest things that people say will devastate me, sometimes the very presence of other people is too much. Surprisingly, i had a good time. 

I got to hang out with some nice people, play boardgames (i love boardgames), and hang out with people - i never hang out with people. We stayed up until a million o'clock, watching the soccer. Granted, the kids shouldn't've been wandering the streets at 2am. And i should try harder not to be mean to mark... but on the whole, it was a good 24hrs and i was happy for a little while. 

By the time we got back into the city, i was no longer smiley. Too many people that are irrationally mad at me, too many people to disappoint, too many people to talk to and smile and at pretend to be someone else around. I got to sing... but music team is always slightly stressful, because nobody really has enough musical knowledge to lead the entire team; everyone knows lots about their particular instrument, but it's so much harder to pull it all together. It makes it a little harder And then the sermon was confusing because i missed it last week and wasn't sure exactly what point we were looking for. Afterwards, i just couldn't stay. Poor boyfriend must hate me for being so miserable... but if i didn't have him, i don't know where i'd be. 

My point? youth camp was fun. 

Oh, and i survived the finale of Grey's Anatomy, just in case any of you were wondering. Thankfully, the directors and writers decided they didn't hate their viewers as much as i thought they might - they spared us some torture. Phew!

Tuesday, June 08, 2010

Unbiased? HA!

I was watching an article on A Current Affair tonight. And i remembered why exactly i never bother much with the news - it is appalling. I don't mean in terms of content; the world is always going to be full of people shooting each other, blowing each other up, stealing warships, blah blah blah and i'm sure it would do us some good to know how many people disembarked international boats and took up residence on our soil today. But when i was watching television tonight, i was appalled to see such biased crap. 

The article was about the Scientology convention being held on Hamilton Island. The issue was that the Scientologists had hired the entire island, and didn't want the channel 9 news team to be allowed onto the island. Naturally, channel 9 felt that they had to try their luck anyway. They booked tickets. However, when the Scientologists found out, they asked the Hamilton Island PR people not to allow it. HIPR made many calls and sent numerous emails, text messages, etc informing the crew that they had been informed that there was no intent to visit the island for a vacation, and that they were not welcome in an investigative capacity. They said that if the crew arrived on the island, they would be politely asked to leave. Of course, the crew went anyway. And were asked to turn around and leave, upon arrival. Surprise, surprise. 

The article claimed that this was 'unbelievable'. The way that it was presented, and the arrogant tone of the presenter, who clearly believed that Scientology was a despicable cult that was corrupting people, coupled with ominous music, the camera shooting from inside a bag, and from stupid angles like between aeroplane seats, added up to an impression that there was something underhand going on, that there was a conspiracy - and that the Scientologists were actually doing something wrong. Politician Nick Zenophon came on to say that it was appalling and unacceptable, blah blah blah.

Here are the facs that they skimmed over; Hamilton Island is a PRIVATE island. It is not public property. That, in itself, gives the HIPR team the power to decide who is and isn't allowed on the island. The channel 9 news team has no right to go there. And yet they swaggered around as if deprived of a basic human right. Furthermore, if the Scientologists had hired the island for a conference, then they should have some say over who else stays there - they didn't hire the conference rooms, they hired the ISLAND. If the conference had been made up of an international delegation of politicians, and they had refused publicity until such a time as they choose to release a statement, there would have been no talk of an 'unacceptable' conspiracy. If they knew that there was a camera crew headed towards them, with the express idea of uncovering something shady, and making bad publicity for them, why would they ever be allowed on the island? There was never any intention to present an unbiased report of the conference. 

I was appalled by this piece. It was so biased that i could really place no reliance on the few facts that they did present. The tone of the piece was anti-Scientology from start to finish. I am not saying that i agree with the Scientology doctrine, but this was not an issue of their beliefs. This was not a case of a religious suicide pact, or a discovery that they had been practicing polygamy, or any other dastardly act. They were merely holding a conference, and didn't want to be interrupted by people whose sole aim was to discredit them. It was an issue of rights - did the channel 9 crew have a right to visit the private island for investigative purposes? No. 

So really, they created an article about nothing, making their 'point' to suit their own personal beliefs, rather than representing the facts accurately and relevantly. I'm appalled that an apparently reputable news show would be so biased. I'm actually furious that the Australian public, many of whom will accept this article on face-value, have been presented with such rubbish. 

I'd be interested to know if anyone else saw this article, or has something to say on the matter...
If you want to see the article, click here for the link to the video clip.

Sunday, June 06, 2010

i don't want to go to church. i don't want to i don't want to i don't want to. i have SO MUCH work to do. i feel sick. i'm tired. feeling like crap is not my favourite emotion. right now, going out and spending time with people who are making my life hell is NOT going to help. i don't know if i can last another five weeks until i can have some time off. and even then, i have to put everyone else's needs before mine, and change my melbourne trip to see my sister and meet my niece, because god forbid i be able to make my own decisions. i want a new life. any chance that's going to happen? nope, don't think so.

Tuesday, June 01, 2010

Do you know what's happening in Adelaide tomorrow? X-Factor auditions are being held. IT would be so cool to enter a competition like that and win. I'd love to be a singer. I'd love to release an album or something. But i'd be no good at dancing around on stage. So that's never going to happen. Not to mention that i'm a good singer, but i'm not a great one. So that's just a pipe dream. 

Today,  i get to go into uni and somehow convince an idiotic teacher than two of us using an answer that he gave us in class isn't plagarism. If it's what he TOLD us to write, then it's just sensible. When teachers are more idiotic than their students, it's one of the most frustrating things in the known universe. 

To add to my day, which is quickly turning into a day from hell, i have strained the muscles in both of my forearms and am in so much pain, because - guess what - you have to use your arms lots in day to day activities. Tonight i get to go to work and be in supreme pain as i lift various meats and sweep and mop and serve two people and pretend like i care and blah blah blah blah blah...

But it's ok, because when i get home i get to keep studying, because that's all i ever do. Woot.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

i currently have so much work that dying is the preferred alternative. i'm barely joking. i've had three assignments due each week, on top of the usual huge amount of study for five topics, and i've been working 18hr weeks. i haven't had more than 6 or so hours sleep in two weeks. i'm exhausted. i'm getting nowhere. nowhere. i miss blogging. in about 100 years from now, i'll have time to come back. hopefully. i have blogs to write. about x-factor and hayley williams and stuff.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

I am currently crying like you wouldn't believe. 

It's that time of the year. The time when all the TV shows that i watch decide that the best way to leave their programs at the end of rating season is by either killing off as many people as possible, or... actually, i'm yet to find an alternative. Ok, that's a slight exaggeration. But, in truth, it's either death or some other kind of miserable ending. 

At the moment, i have very little faith in humanity. The world is a horrible, sad place, with no metaphorical sunshine to speak of. Add this belief to the misery of end-of-season television, and i'm a mess. These poor characters are suffering under the weight of the world, are facing so many hardships, are just looking for happiness... and aren't finding it. It's so depressing and hopeless. 

Would you like an overview of this year's television? 
I'll work from least depressing, to most horrible. Just so you have some sort of scale to work with. 

Bones  -  Bones and Booth, disillusioned with their lack of purpose in life, leave each other for the next year; one going on an archeological expedition, the other returning to the army. Miserable, the pair tear themselves away from one another. 

The Mentalist -  Patrick James suffers through another round of killings by the man who murdered his wife and child. Finally coming face-to-face with the killer, he is left with nothing more than a riddle, and five dead bodies. Nobody understands the pain that he struggles with, knowing that his wife and child died because of his selfishness. 

Fringe  -  Fringe saw Olivia and Walter cross over into the alternate universe (yes, overlook the science fiction and focus on the humanity) to rescue Peter. Oliva finds him - and they finally kiss. Yay!! After a dramatic escape, they destroy William Bell to return to their world... but what Peter and Walter don't know is that alternate-Olivia took out the real Olivia at the last minute. Real Olivia is screaming for help in a blacked-out jail cell in the alternate universe, and alternate-Olivia is preparing to wreak havoc in our world. 
Private Practice  -  You know it's going to be bad when the 16yr old daughter of one of the protagonists goes into labour and is rushed to hospital... but is in a horrific car accident on the way. Possible paralysis, possibly having to let the baby die, possibly letting her die... While you're busy worrying about whether she lives, Dell (who was driving the car) gets a brain bleed and dies on the table, leaving his 7yr old daughter with no parents. Nobody was even worrying about Dell, they were too busy worrying about Maya! It was horrible.

One Tree Hill  -  We're getting to the really bad stuff now. Hayley is severely depressed after the death of her mother, but is finally starting to feel again. But who cares? Because Miranda leaves Michael and he is left alone. Because Mia left Chase... even though she wants him back. But mainly because Quinn and Clay finally managed to rid themselves of their crazy stalker (ha, fat chance) - but then, in the last seconds, she comes back and shoots them both. With gunshots that were incredibly loud and caused me to grab at Boyfriend so hard, that he was in serious pain. How can Quinn and Clay die?

Grey's Anatomy  -  Ok, so here's the worst one. Made even worse because i'm only half way through the two hour finale and i'm already a wreck. Try this on for size - Meredith is pregnant, but Derek doesn't know. Crazy gunman shows up, desperate to kill Derek because his wife died in his care. In his search for Derek, the crazy gunman kills Reid. Shoots Karev. Kills a bunch of other people. Shoots Percy... and then finds Derek. I breathed a sigh of relief when it appeared that Derek had talked his way out of death - but then that stupid little bitch of an intern ran out of his office, startling the gunman and getting Derek shot in the heart. Derek, who doesn't know his wife is pregnant. Derek, whose wife is watching from across the room. Derek, who is the heart of this show, and is finally happily married to Meredith. It was beyond heartbreaking. The only thing that has so far stopped me from falling to pieces is that there's another hour left in the double episode and i'm praying that, by some miracle, he's going to be ok. Wishful thinking, i know. 
Why do the writers feel the need to create so much misery? Do they have to little confidence in their ability to enthrall the audience without killing off half the cast? There'll be three months before i can find out how these imaginary worlds will deal with the pain. I don't know if i can cope with another season made up of misery. When TV reflects life so accurately, it fails as the escapism that it should be. I don't want to escape to a world where everyone is as sad as i already am!!

I am supposed to be doing an assignment. I have two due on monday that i haven't started. However, my disillusion with human life has taken precedence. As Boyfriend plays in his own little world, while i cry on the bed, the though of study is beyond me. Sadness should be enough of a reason to beg for an extension, but it isn't. Oh well, can the added misery of study really be unexpected in a world where the best that you can hope for is a fantasy, and you must bring yourself to settle for mediocrity?  

Friday, May 14, 2010

I am so sick of being so fucking miserable and angry all the fucking time. I'm sick of people telling me what to do, trying to 'handle' me and tell me that what i think is wrong. I don't want to be part of a team. I want to do things MY way, because i'm sick of cleaning up everyone else's fucking mess. I'm sick of everyone trying to rip me off, so i can't even afford to take my kids that i word with on excursions. I'm sick of being alone all the time. I'm sick of looking after people. I hate not being happy or excited. I'm sick of being sick, sick of being angry and sad, sick of uni and sick of work. Sick to the fucking death of everything.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Happy Birthday Mum

Today is mum's birthday, so we went out for dinner. 

My family is crazy. We don't always get on. My parents love me, but i've always been a prickly person. Tonight, i was just invisible. Invisible, or not good enough. Want the examples of how?

1. As soon as we sat down, mum and dad started harassing me about doing in internship at a law firm, so i could see what it's like. I don't want to do an internship. I'm already crazy busy. I don't even know if i want to do law. That lead to them angrily telling me that i needed to start seriously thinking about what i was going to do with my life. Gee, thanks, it's not like i'm not already worried that i have no ambition. Thanks for being supportive.
2. Mum and dad were talking to my brother about the football match he wants to see, because that's the date they will go on the family trip to melbourne to see my sister and her baby. My protests that i didn't know if i could go then were ignored. Looks like i'll be staying home. 
3. My dad asked me how long i'd had two holes in my left ear. It's been a year. 
4. We were talking about insuring the house and contents. I wanted mum to include my books and dvds. I have literally hundreds of books in my room. At an average price of $20 each, that's approximately $8000, at the very least. And that's just the ones on the shelves in my room - not the ones packaged in the roof, or downstairs. Or my dvds. Worthy of insuring, if you ask me. Mum laughed. And moved on to the next topic. 
5. I was telling mum that i'd had to forge a friend's signature the other day, which i thought was fairly cool. Mum turned to my brother and started talking to him. When i repeated myself, she said 'yea, i heard you'. Gee, thanks for acknowledging me.

So. I have no girl friends. And my parents either see right through me, or think i suck. Fan-fricking-tastic. Don't even get me started on all the other things they routinely yell at me about. I don't want to get any more miserable tonight.

Girls Just Wanna have Fun

Cyndi Lauper had it right when she sang about girls more or less just wanting to have a good time. 

Today, i had a long coffee date with Pi from uni. It was fantastic (numbingly cold, but fantastic). We chatted about her newly-married life, her friend's upcoming wedding and difficult bridesmaid, my stupid work, how ridiculous it is that dress sizes are so short and small... 

i was complaining about stupid work, after we'd talked about the wedding for awhile. Suddenly, Pi said that she had to go and meet her mum. I felt really stupid, like i'd been talking too much and she'd just been dying to leave. I realise that this is unlikely, but i now feel very embarassed. I realised that the main reason that i'd been talking nineteen to the dozen was because i was craving some girl-time. 

Since school finished, i have had less and less contact with my school-girl friends. This isn't so much on my part as it is theirs; over time, many of my best school friends have decided that they're too good for me, too busy for me, or too exciting for me... either way, i don't really see them anymore. In fact, the most girl-time that i have is my one a week coffee date with Pi, after our wednesday class, when time permits. Sure, i see Loz reasonably often, but she has a slight tendency to be harsh and critical of people, including me... which makes it hard to confide in her, as much as i love her. Other than that, i have rare catch ups with Miha, or LozK... but that's pretty much all. I don't have a little group of girls that do things like go to the movies, or go shopping, or have girls nights in. The coffee dates i do have are generally cut short, because we're too busy. Alternatively, rare coffee dates are spent catching up on the last month or two, and by the time we've done that it's time to go. 

I drove past Urrbrae High the other day. I nearly burst into tears, looking at all of the girls walk into school laughing and smiling with their friends. I miss that so much, having girls to talk to. Pi has a group of four or five really close girlfriends in her church, and she's so lucky. At the moment, i'm so out of place at church that i'm spending as little time as possible there. With only one or two girls my age there anyway, none of whom really participate in the university/part-time job type of life, there's not that much hope for an epic friendship group anyway. Uni isn't much better - i hardly know anyone in my degree, and by fourth year (this year), most people are already settled in their groups, so that chance is lost.

I miss the days when Loz, Katie and i were inseparable. Or when Roz, SB, Ayles and i spend every saturday night going to the movies or just hanging out. I miss being able to just rock up at someone's house to hang out. Or having people i can just be comfortable with, and chat about anything, rather than monitoring my every word. As it was, it was only in my last school years that i had those kind of friends...

Maybe when i enter the workforce i'll find a place where i finally fit in. But, knowing me, it's unlikely. Maybe i'm destined to spend the rest of my life without those kinds of friends. I mean, Boyfriend is amazing, and i don't know what i'd do without him. He's my best friends. But he's a guy. So it's just not the same... 

I miss having 'the girls' to hang out with, so so much. Life without good friends really does suck.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Poor Car

Remember the scary accident that i was in a month ago? Well, so far, no repairs have been made on my car, because they've been waiting on the insurance company to make an assessment. Which they haven't done yet. Currently, they're trying to decide whether or not to write the car off. Although the damage wasn't enormous, it was spread across four panels, which makes it quite a job to repair. However, they're taking FOREVER to decide what to do. In the meantime, mum and i are sharing a car, and it's starting to drive us both a little crazy. At the moment, it looks like the car will be written off... 

So far, the only upside i see is that it may take less time to buy a new car than to fix the old one. And also, if i got a new car, i wouldn't have to clean my old one. Major bonus!

Monday, May 10, 2010

Happy Birthday to ME! Pt 2...

As saturday dawned, so did the day of my 21st birthday party. Supposedly, i was all organised... however, fate was not on my side. 

The day started calmly. I went to get my hair done (i now have gorgeous, shiny dark hair, and a side fringe. Love it!) - amidst calls from my mother, as she started panicking. The more she panicked, the more stressed i became. My uncle had flown over from melbourne, with his gorgeous new baby boy, whom my mother and i hadn't met yet. Except, he'd flown in saturday arvo, and was flying out sunday morning... giving us practically no time to meet the baby!! So, after getting my hair cut, we flew over to Nan's to meet him. He was so adorable!!!!!! Then, it was off to the Griffins to set up for the party. We picked up two bunches of colourful helium ballons, and a big, shiny '21' ballon pair on the way. After arranging the room, we raced home. 

Enter the really stressful period. The DVD i made full of photos didn't work, so i spent ages redoing it. The playlists i had spent hours making were finally finished - but my ipod wouldn't sync and i therefore had no music. Crap. By this point, it was 7pm and i was supposed to be leaving. I rushed to get ready (i couldn't do my dress up, i couldn't fix my eyelashes, the curls in my hair had fallen out, i had no heel grips in my shoes)... and i missed the taxi. Mum and dad took it, i kept getting ready, then i drove Nick and his friends into the city. By the time i raced upstairs, i was hot and bothered and facing a room that already had a crowd of people in it. 

It took awhile for things to calm down. I plugged my computer in, in place of a DVD. I threw some CDs on, instead of my ipod. I found my shoes. 

The next few hours were a blur. I greeted lots of people, got lots of pressies and swapped my heels for my flats. Mum wrote a poem for her speech that was really cute, then Loz and Loz K did speeches too (that were fairly nice about me). By 11pm, dad was ready to leave, so he and mum started taking pressies and stuff down to the car. Unfortunately, people took this as a cue to leave. Before long, there were only about 15 or so people left. Thankfully, there were some fun people. And we had $400 left on an open bar, so we started shots and jagerbombs and whatever we could think of. Hodgey (one of the boys i love so much, and love to party with) turned up and helped us make it a party. Then it was 1am and they kicked us out. 
I put some people in cabs (they peaked too soon), and we went to the Elephant. But that didn't last long either. Our plans for dancing were set aside when boyfriend got a little overenthusiastic with the alcohol and needed me to take him home... we got kicked out of the cab halfway home because boyfriend was feeling sick, and we had to walk the rest of the way. No more dancing!

All in all, i had a really good night. Granted, everyone pretty much left before 11, except for a few people who hadn't turned up until after 10. One of my best friends was in melbourne, another was passed out drunk, another went home drunk at 11... four of my five best friends from school weren't there, because they don't love me anymore. A few of my close friends who did come, didn't bring presents, which really just means that they don't love me. Boyfriend got drunk and i had to take him home instead of going dancing. My hair wasn't curly, and Loz came up to me and said 'you should've curled your hair, it would've been better'... lovely. One of the speeches from my bestie was written on a post-it...

Considering all those things, it was hardly a perfect night. A few friends made kind gestures though, and a reconnected with a few people, and that's what made it a good night.  Loz took the hint and made me a scrapbook for my present. Also, a friend from dance, and an old school friend who i barely ever see anymore came along and stayed for hours - it was so lovely of them. Once again, i realised that it's events like this that show me that the people who care about me are never the people that i think they are. 

So it was a good party and a memorable 21st.  Which is good, because the next important birthday is 30, and that'll be a depressing one, because i'll be old!!!

Happy 21st Birthday to me.

Happy Birthday to ME!

Hi blogosphere! I've missed you. Thanks to the hectic ups and downs of everyday life, i've had my Blogger dashboard sitting in my browser window for weeks, but i haven't had time!! So let me catch up.

The biggest thing that's happened? I turned 21! 

For the first time in a few years, there were no emotional dramas and i managed to enjoy the day. Boyfriend and i went shopping... i bought a sparkly pair of high heels (ok, so they're not the most comfortable, but they were 50% OFF!! and so pretttttty and shiny), some shiny flats (ok, maybe two pairs, because they were on sale), some cheapie gold flats to wear with my party dress so that when my heels inevitably got sore i could do a swapsies... it was a good shoe day. Boyfriend was so patient. I rewarded him with lunch. And then we went DVD shopping. And bought him a while new outfit to wear to my party. He looked so handsome. And he was so patient and lovely. We even went shopping for a shiny new camera. It's beautiful and small and shiny and AWESOME!

I had an icky work meeting with my old boss, but i'm just deciding not to think about that **mind wipe!** We had family tea, which was pretty chilled, as my auntie and grandpa weren't there. And then i spent the night having cuddles with my lovely boyfriend, who was definitely in the good books for being so patient as he wandered back and forth in the shops with me. 

As for pressies? Mum and dad gave me a painting, that i absolutely love. It's hard to explain, but it's perfectly 'me'. Thumbs up to mum for making a great pick. My brother gave me eiffel tower bookends, i got pearl earrings from Nan, and Jen (auntie) gave me a really cool, quirky necklace that i love. But the best present of all? That would be my gorgeous, shiny, silver Tiffany's bracelet from my boyfriend. He knew i loved it, and even though i told him not to get it (it may have cost a small fortune...) - he did anyway! He's so lovely. 
All in all, a lovely birthday. 

Friday, April 30, 2010

Birthday Girl!

Woo, i'm 21! 

I love my birthday. And for the first time in years, my birthday was great. I'm going to tell you all about how great it was later on. My party is tomorrow night, so i won't be able to fully asses the birthday greatness until after than. Plus, i still have heaps to do, so don't quite have time to blog at the moment!

One thing is for sure - some of my mates have proven their awesomeness. And my mum occasionally is spot on in knowing what to get me. I love birthdays!!

I hope all of you have a fantastic weekend - and i'd better see some of you at my party tomorrow night!!

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Evidence assignment is handed in, all other uni work is on the backburner, my itunes music all has album artwork... (flipside - i have a nasty cold, a swollen eye, a burning desire to skip out on the gym today...). In a week or two i'll probably have some semblance of a life back. Woot!

Monday, April 26, 2010

Mother, May I

This post is password protected, so that my rantings will be vaguely moderated. The world makes me angry. You know the drill; if you really have to know, i need an email.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Internet World

So, i discovered some new sites. I can't decide if they're sites that make me happy about humanity, or sad that people go through such sad things to start with. Either way, they're an interesting read... Oh, and i'm adding some other awesome sites that everyone should know about. Check them out. 

I'm sure there were some others that i wanted to add, but i can't think of what they are right now... i'll get back to you. Here are a few examples...

Gives Me Hope

Today, my boyfriend told me that he loved me.

When I asked why, he took out a list. It was 337 reasons long, and he said he had a pen in his back pocket in case he remembered any new ones.

His love gives me hope.

A 74 year old man has an rare antibody in his plasma that stops babies dying from Rhesus disease, a form of severe anaemia.

He has donated plasma almost 1000 times since he was 18 years old. He has saved an estimated 2.2 million babies so far.

James Harrison, you GMH. 


Texts From Last Night





Ok, so i talked my way out of that failed research test, and got a distinction on an essay i handed in for psychology. That was all very reassuring, but i now have two more large essays to write and heaps of regular work to do... borderline panic. 

Plus side: i get to have lunch with my lovely boyfriend today while he's on his work break. 

Another thing: dreading my party next week. 

I'd like to proudly announce that i went into a bookshop yesterday to buy a cookbook for a friend's 21st and DIDN'T BUY ANYTHING FOR MYSELF. I'm clearly growing. As both a person and a discerning book collector. Not only that, but i successfully navigated a 21st yesterday that only had a handful of people that i know at it. Granted, one of them was a girl i was very close friends with at school who now refuses to speak to or acknowledge me EVER, which was a little awkward. But the boys seemed nice and friendly. I think they genuinely like me (or are very good at faking it). Fingers and toes crossed that they turn up next weekend because those drunk boys definitely know how to make a party. Seeing as a few of my closest friends aren't coming. I'm such a priority in these people's lives. 

Blah blah blah potatoes... time to try to study for a half hour or so. Good luck me.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Well, i'm officially a failiure, which is always nice to discover. Strike three on my research quiz, and i now have to schedule a meeting with the topic co-ordinator to discuss what happens next. There is so much that is unfair about this situation, and i'm going to have to try and get these points across to the teacher, without sounding angry, upset or irrational. And i'll have to beg for a fourth chance... or a pass. Seeing as i got over 70% in the first round (where the pass mark was 80%), and after the second round the pass mark was reduced to 70%, i think i should get through... but i only got 55% for the second round, and i have no idea how i went in the third round - just that i didn't do well enough. Fan-fucking-tastic. Uni is so freaking stressful. If i don't somehow pass this quiz, then i fail the topic and it goes on my transcript forever. I really need to become a recluse and only study alllllllll the time.

Friday, April 16, 2010

So, the amount of work that i have to do is insane. I'm scared crapless. Mainly because i'm unable to focus. And i am spending most of my time running between work, other work, doctors appointments and catchups with friends that are more necessary than luxury - otherwise they won't be my friends anymore! On top of that, i have a birthday party to plan, an office and a bedroom to clean, a brother to drive around all weekend while my parents are away... stressful!! I'm enjoying my new blog though, much more interesting than studying.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Scary Car Accident

This afternoon i was in a car accident. 

I had just dropped boyfriend off at work, and was driving home. The next thing i knew, i was hit. The impact forced my car towards the cars parked on the curb, so i spun the wheel away and swerved back across the two lanes. With a car coming towards me from the opposite direction, i finished spinning, completing a 180 and then the car stalled, facing the wrong way on the road.  Thankfully, there were no cars coming when i stepped shakily out of the car. 

A nice construction man ran over, and moved my car to the side of the road. Two ladies came running up to me; they'd seen the accident. Both gave me their details, one called the police and the other went to speak to the man who'd hit me. It had all happened so fast, i didn't even know what had gone on. They told me that the man had pulled out from the curb to throw a u-turn. The 60+ year old idiot hadn't looked carefully enough, and smashed into the back of my car. 

He tried to deny it was his fault, but the witnesses has seen everything. My poor car is smashed from the back bumper, to the front door. The police weren't coming, because we were neither drunk nor smashed up in the middle of the road. So, the old man went home, and the nice witness lady waited with me until my mum came, because i was shaky and in shock. We then had to wait ages for a tow truck to haul my car away.

Mum seemed to see the whole incident as more of a nuisance than a scare. But i was pretty shaken up. If there had been any other cars in my lane, or others coming in the opposite direction, there was no way i would have avoided them and the accident would have been so much worse than it was. As it is, my car will take weeks to fix. 

I'm just very glad that i, and everyone else involved, got out of the ordeal unscathed. That's the main thing. 

50 Amazing, but Useless Facts

1. The word "queue" is the only word in the English language that is still pronounced the same way when the last four letters are removed.

2. Beetles taste like apples, wasps like pine nuts, and worms like fried bacon.

3. Of all the words in the English language, the word 'set' has the most definitions!

4. What is called a "French kiss" in the English speaking world is known as an "English kiss" in France.

5 ."Almost" is the longest word in the English language with all the letters in alphabetical order.

6. "Rhythms" is the longest English word without a vowel.

7. In 1386, a pig in France was executed by public hanging for the murder of a child

8. A cockroach can live 9 days with its head cut off!

9. Human thigh bones are stronger than concrete.

10. You can't kill yourself by holding your breath

11. There is a city called Rome on every continent.

12. It's against the law to have a pet dog in Iceland!

13. Your heart beats over 100,000 times a day!

14. Horatio Nelson, one of England's most illustrious admirals was throughout his life, never able to find a cure for his sea-sickness.

15. The skeleton of Jeremy Bentham is present at all important meetings of the University of London

16. Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people

17. Your ribs move about 5 million times a year, everytime you breathe!

18. The elephant is the only mammal that can't jump!

19. One quarter of the bones in your body, are in your feet!

20. Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different!

21. The first known transfusion of blood was performed as early as 1667, when Jean-Baptiste, transfused two pints of blood from a sheep to a young man

22. Fingernails grow nearly 4 times faster than toenails!

23. Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin!

24. The present population of 5 billion plus people of the world is predicted to become 15 billion by 2080.

25. Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

26. Adolf Hitler was a vegetarian, and only one of his testicles worked.

27. Honey is the only food that does not spoil. Honey found in the tombs of Egyptian pharaohs has been tasted by archaeologists and found edible.

28. Months that begin on a Sunday will always have a "Friday the 13th."

29. Coca-Cola would be green if colouring weren’t added to it.

30 .On average a hedgehog's heart beats 300 times a minute.

31. More people are killed each year from bees than from snakes.

32. The average lead pencil will draw a line 35 miles long or write approximately 50,000 English words.

33. More people are allergic to cow's milk than any other food.

34. Camels have three eyelids to protect themselves from blowing sand.

35. The placement of a donkey's eyes in its' heads enables it to see all four feet at all times!

36. The six official languages of the United Nations are: English, French, Arabic, Chinese, Russian and Spanish.

37. Earth is the only planet not named after a god.

38. It's against the law to burp, or sneeze in a church in Nebraska, USA.

39. You're born with 300 bones, but by the time you become an adult, you only have 206.

40. Some worms will eat themselves if they can't find any food!

41. Dolphins sleep with one eye open!

42. It is possible to sneeze with your eyes open!

43. The worlds oldest piece of chewing gum is 9000 years old!

44. The longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds

45. Queen Elizabeth I regarded herself as a paragon of cleanliness. She declared that she bathed once every three months, whether she needed it or not

46. Slugs have 4 noses.

47. Owls are the only birds who can see the colour blue.

48. A man named Charles Osborne had the hiccups for 69 years!

49. A giraffe can clean its ears with its 21-inch tongue!

50. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain 

Monday, April 12, 2010

Goodbye for Now...

Life sucks sometimes. Unfortunately for the hovel, life sucking means that i'm abandoning my blog for awhile. It got too complicated when the inappropriate things that someone else was writing on their blog were being blamed on me... because i had a blog first? Or something equally ridiuculous. Either way, the hovel is going to have to take a hiatus. Do i still blog? Of course. I've just moved to wordpress. Not that anyone cares, but if they did i wouldn't be able to tell them the address, because having real-world people know where i blog is... not good. I suppose if someone gets... misdirected... over to wordpress and happens to find where this girl now blogs... well that's their perogative. Hopefully they'll be smart enough to keep their traps shut and i won't have to enter the blog-relocation program again. I miss the hovel... but i don't seem to have much choice at the moment! Hopefully one day i can come back home...

Two Things...

Two Things...

1. Apparently, i do have blog readers. People have started calling me Bella. It's interesting. I don't know if i feel like a Bella!! But at the same time, when people call me Annie, that feels weird too. And Annabel always makes me feel like people are getting cross at me. Clearly, i'm uncomfortable in my own name. Perhaps i should wear a bag over my head and refer to myself as 'the mystery woman'? Just a thought.

2. I have a new blog. I review things. Books, movies, tv, blogs. I have to try to write like a smart person on it. Time to get my writing skills back up to scratch. I like blogs. I like books. I have opinions. It seems like a good place to start.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

So, i'm experiencing some agoraphobia. Leaving the house right now, and seeing people, is scary and hard, and i can't do it. Going out to face the world seems impossible. The thought of going shopping with my mum scares the crap out of me, which is unfortunate as it is a necessity. I didn't go to church tonight, as facing all of those people, some of whom i know will judge me, was a task i couldn't face. I made it to Boyfriend's today, but once i got there i was jumpy and tense. Even though i got huggles, i couldn't stay. I missed a 21st and a hen's night last night. I have to go to work tomorrow, and i'm dreading it. Thank goodness i have two weeks of holidays to pull myself out of this before i have to start attending classes again.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

What's In A Name?

Romeo and Juliet had a fairly tumultuous last few months of life. Obviously. It's what they're famous for. I wonder if they were so full of poetic lines and dramatic gestures in their earlier years.

I've always been a fan of some of the more classic lines from this Shakespearean work of art. 'To sleep, perchance to dream' and 'goodnight, goodnight, parting is such sweet sorrow' won me a public speaking contest in year 12, when i played to the elderly judges and spoke about the poetry of the world, visible in word and surroundings. Ten points to me.

Lately, another line has been running through my head...
Juliet: What's in a name? That which we call a rose, by any other name would smell as sweet.
Romeo & Juliet (II, ii, 1-2)   
I was born Annabel. Somewhere in high school, my friends started calling me Annie. Mostly. There are a few Anna, Ann and Bella's thrown in there. And a few less acceptable nicknames, which i will let slide here. 

I think a person's name says a lot about a person. Think about movies, for example. Bella, in Twilight is pretty, dramatic and interesting. Characters named Annie are more often seen as red-headed orphans. I'd rather be a Bella than an Annie. Especially because Bella means beautiful, and i need all the help i can in trying to associate myself with the idea of my being beautiful. 

I want to be a Bella!

Hey Fatty

This post is password protected. If you desperately want to know what i'm keeping from you, i'll need an email address. If i consider you worthy, i'll give you the magic word.

Wednesday, April 07, 2010

Kids Galore

This week is kids club week. So far, we've had 92 kids over the entire week, and 50+ each day. It's our biggest kids club yet, and things are a little crazy. We have plenty of leaders, but it's still incredibly draining. I'm also really sick, like throat unable to bear swallowing, and head dizzy and spinning all the time. It's unpleasant, to say the least. The kids are having a great time, and the leaders are getting along well. The activities are going well (although this afternoon, the public transport that we used was disastrous - last time i trust a male with anything, i swear). Right now, i can hardly stay awake. I thought i'd just let everyone know that i'm not dead - although i may be dying of a mysterious illness - and give a reason for my absence. I'll be back at some point, possibly after a few months sleep. An induced coma perhaps? 

Hope everyone had a lovely easter!

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

The Perfect Adelaide Date...

I love Adelaide. And i love to watch young love bloom in lovely Adelaide. 

That's not entirely true, but i liked how many times i could put 'love' into a sentence. On the whole, young lovers make me feel a little queasy. Damned cheesy couples. That said, i suppose many would say that boyfriend and i are probably the cheesiest of the cheesy. It's fun. 

Anyway, after an exceptional coffee date (with the girls) the other day, i have decided it is important to compile a list of must-dated in Adelaide. We may be small, but we're definitely not boring. 

1. Bracegirdles

Bracegirdles is a chocolate/coffee house in Burnside (Greenhill road, just opposite the Burnside shopping centre). They specialise in turning Belgium chocolate into all sorts of delectible goodies. For example, when we were there, we had chocolate fondue with fruit, and mochas (the best mocha i'd ever had). The chocolate is to die for. Granted, it's not the best date if you're watching your waistline - which all women constantly are - but it's completely worth it for the deliciousness. Aside from the taste, Bracegirdles has a lovely atmosphere; little tables, a fireplace, a delectable coziness... Perfect for a romantic date. 

2. Lookouts

Thanks to Adelaide's small size, the view from surrounding hills means you have a complete nightscape of the city, twinkling with the lights. Granted, Windy Point is a little crowded these days (random bogans being 'cool' and strange old men checking their postage in their cars... true), but being surrounded by hills means that  there are plenty of other good spots to check out. I love shiny things, so this is always fun. Use your handy dandy Street Map to find all the local lookouts and check them out. 

3. Beaches

While insanely busy during a typical sunny day, by the time the sun starts to set things are settling down a little at Glenelg. Long walks along a moonlit beach, gelati on the boardwalk, sitting on the sand watching the firey sun fall into the ocean... completely cliqued, but for a good reason. It just gives that warm, fuzzy, happiness feeling on the inside!

4. Something a little more Out There...

For those couples who are up for something a little more adventurous, i could suggest the more kooky date locations... like Zone3 laser tag on South Road, where you can run around in blacklights defending your base and wearing super cool plastic armour. Or Cross Road Bowl, where they turn on the disco lights and party the night away while people throw heavy balls down an alley. Often fun. Or perhaps you could go paintballing, a la Ten Things I Hate About You (think Heath Ledger and Julia Stiles covered in paint, and falling for one another).

5. Gold Class

For those with a little more moola in their pockets, Gold Class movies are a must. Despite the astronomical and completely ridiculous costs, it's so much fun to be so spoilt and comfy while watching a good movie. Think reclining chairs with foot rests, food and drinks delivered at your lesiure, and only a maximum of about 15 other people in the cinema to annoy you. Tips: see a long movie, because if you're paying through the nose it had better be worth it; the shoestring fries are delicious, as are the sundaes; 3D in goldclass is super fun; and, the experience of being so spoilt is slightly disconcerting. 

I can't think of anythink more right now, but i figure that's enough for a good few dates. You can always do the usual things, like coffee dates at Spats (an old brothel-turned-coffee house), have Sushi at the Sushi Train (how can people resist food coming to them on a little train?!) or go to the Royal Adelaide Show and get your beloved to win you a stuffed toy on the sideshows (a personal desire of mine that is yet to be fulfilled). Don't forget, men get bonus points for coming up with their own ideas instead of just stealing the ideas of a random girl from her blog!

Good luck men. May your women appreciate your efforts. And may you remember that dating is a necessity in any relationship, one that is not to fade into the background once a couple has become comfortable enough with one another to wear their ugly trackies and stop sneaking out of bed in the morning to brush their teeth, and pretending they just woke up like that.

Sunday, April 04, 2010

Every day is a struggle at the moment. Wow, how emo do i sound. Do you have any idea how much i would give to be full of sunshine and rainbows and laughter? While i realise that nobody is happy all the time, i think that being this sad and miserable and sick all the time isn't how life is supposed to be. 

As it stands, i can't get out of bed in the morning, i cry all the time and i am having dizzy spells all the time. Occasionally, i'll have bursts of uncontrollable laughter - fun for a time, but when you're crying and you can't stop laughing for no good reason it's not such a hoot. 

It's Kids Club next week. Four days, each about 10hrs long, filled with yelling kids and unhappy leaders and arguments, personality clashes, weather ruining our plans and the appalling public transport system of south australia. At the moment, i just don't want to do my job anymore. I get very little happiness out of it... yes, i organise everything and kids club is growing bigger every holidays. But where am i going? Nowhere. I'm not getting promoted (in fact, i'm getting less responsibility and my name isn't even on the website), i'm not making a career out of things, i'm not even very involved during the week - i tend to spend the week making sure that everyone is doing what they're supposed to be doing. I like organising things... but somehow, this just is no longer putting a smile on my face. 

I still have classes next week (stupid uni holidays not matching school holidays), so i have work coming out of my ears. I've had three shifts at the deli this weekend (one more to go tomorrow), and a bunch more jobs to do for kids club. Time just runs away from me!! I'm dying to sleep in and relax for a little while. 

To survive, i've spent my hard earned cash on dvds and books. Thank goodness for internet buying. Don't thank goodness for my rapidly diminishing bank balance. Money sucks. 

Poor boyfriend has been a saint, putting up with my miserable moods, tears and clingy-ness. Thankfully, he still loves me and wants to look after me. I'd do anything to have him with me now, giving me cuddles and making me feel safe. But he's not here and i'm shaky and upset and feel like crap. Crap is seemingly my default setting at the moment. 

I'm off to waste time until i'm so tired that i can pass out exhausted. Before i drag myself out of bed tomorrow morning, to go to work again... life sucks.

Saturday, April 03, 2010

HELL as explained by a Chemistry student...

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term.

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell,then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'


Tuesday, March 30, 2010

As we speak (write?), i'm addressing a bajillion - of what feels like a bajillion - envelopes for my birthday. The difficulty of this is compounded because many people haven't given me their addresses, so i have to play detective. Thank goodness for facebook and online white pages.  

I currently have no money, as i spent it all on birthday pressies for other people today, and food for boyfriend and i, and our trip to gold class last week (remind me to tell you about that later!). This has nothing to do with my invites. It just happens to be worrying me today!! 

I have so much to do tonight, and i have to be up at half seven tomorrow morning, as i have a stupid and confusing class at 9am and traffic at that time of day is appalling. Getting there will be a nightmare.

Jeepers, life is taxing at the moment. I can't wait for the holidays.

Friday, March 26, 2010

#1 When you break her heart, the pain never really goes away. #2 When she misses you, she's hurting inside. #3 When she says it's over, she still wants you to be hers. #4 When she walks away from you mad, follow her. #5 When she stares at your mouth, kiss her. #6 When she pushes or hits you, grab her tight & don't let her go. #7 When she starts cursing at you, kiss her and tell her you love her. #8 When she ignores you, give her your attention. #9 When she pulls away, pull her back. #10 When you see her at her worst, tell her she's beautiful and when a girl says shes ugly then she wants u to say ur beautiful or pretty back' #11 When you see her crying, just hold her and don't say a word. #12 When you see her walking, sneak up and hug her waist from behind. #13 When she's scared, protect her. #14 When she lays her head on your shoulder, tilt her head up and kiss her. #15 When she steals your favourite jacket, let her keep it and sleep with it for a night. #16 When she teases you, tease her back and make her laugh. #17 When she doesn't answer for a long time, reassure her that everything is okay. #18 When she looks at you with doubt, back yourself up with the truth. #19 When she says that she likes you, she really does more than you could understand. #20 When she grabs your hands, hold hers and play with her fingers. #21 When she bumps into you, bump into her back and make her laugh. #22 When she tells you a secret, keep it safe and untold. #23 When she looks at you in your eyes, don’t look away until she does. #24 Stay on the phone with her even if she’s not saying anything. #25 Don't let her have the last word. #26 Don't call her hot, but gorgeous or beautiful is so much better. #27 Say you love her more than she could ever love you. #28 Argue that she is the best girl ever. #29 When she's mad, hug her tight and don't let go. #30 When she says she's OK, don’t believe it, talk to her about it, because 10 yrs later she'll still remember it. #31 Call her at 12:00am on special occasions to tell her you love her. #32 Call her before you sleep and after you wake up. #33 Treat her like she's all that matters to you. #34 Don't ignore her when she's out with you and your friends. #35 Stay up all night with her when she's sick. #36 Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid. #37 Let her into your world. #38 Let her wear your clothes. #39 When she's bored and sad, hang out with her #40 Let her know she's important. #41 Kiss her in the pouring rain. #42 When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is; "Who's ass am I kicking today baby?" #43 After she reads this, she hopes one day you'd read it too.
This made me think of my beautiful boyfriend. I'm really lucky. 

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

So much can change in a few days. The pre-birthday expectations are gone, reality has bitten. I know that half the people i've invited won't turn up to my party, the ones that do probably won't have lots of fun, and i'll probably not get any gifts that i'm in love with. Expectations are always dangerous. Who needs birthday celebrations? They're just another day in a neverending week.

Monday, March 22, 2010

It's my birthday soon!! I'll be 21, yay! I like birthdays, i get to be spoilt, i get pressies, and i've lasted another year on this earth. This year, i also have a reason to have a big party. Woo! My last two birthdays haven't been great, thanks to some brothers who had a tendency to make my life miserable. Thankfully, one of them reformed, and is desparate to make up for his jerk-ishness this year. Unfortunately, this is involving him saving all his money, which he can't afford! But nothing will talk him out of it. However, i know what he plans on getting me, and it's gorgeous, so i'm very much looking forward to it.

As far as i'm concerned, it isn't the amount that someone spends on a present that is important. It's the thought behind it. I could get a present worth $2 as long as it shows that someone has put thought into it.

For example, the thing that i want most for my birthday this year is a scrapbook from my best friend. A few years ago, i made a scrapbook for a friend. It was amazing, and i wished i could've kept it. I love things like that; photos arranged and decorated and designed in a scrapbook. Unfortunately, i'm the person who makes things like that for other people, and nobody will make one for me, despite all of the hints i drop.

So, other than that number one wishlist item, here's what else is on the list...

* Will & Grace dvd box set
* Canon IXUS digital camera (either the 120, 110 or 105, i can't decide)
* A comic strip written/framed for me by my friend, Kath
* Bottled happiness.
* Books - anything that someone thinks i'd like
* A black ninja figure from the papershop around the corner
* Magazine subscriptions? Cosmo or Cleo or something with good articles...
* Something that could give me an unlimited amount of time to do my study
* Pretty hair slides
* 'Daisy' perfume by Marc Jacobs - eau de parfum, not eau de toilette (apparently mine is the crappy kind, as i was told recently)
* Birthday cards with lovely messages inside
* Boardgames! Like Monopoly, or Guess Who, or something with good trivia!

I have a feeling that i will get very few of those things. So i'll save up and buy them myself. I wish that people knew me well enough to give me things that mean something to me, rather than things that i never want or need or use... One day, i hope that people will learn to understand me.

Either way, i think this year will be a good birthday...

Sunday, March 21, 2010

This week is a struggle. I have so much work to do (study wise, i have the week off from the deli) and i'm just getting nowhere. It's a battle to study, i just can't focus and i'm making no headway. Last night, i had to leave youth group early - i just couldn't do it. I wasn't going to be any use to anyone, i had no enthusiasm and was feeling awful. I don't know if i'm sick, or what, but i'm useless. I WANT to work, i want to get everything done and be on top of things for once. It's so stressful being behind. It's so frustrating. I WANT TO BE FUNCTIONAL!!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

I am currently sneaking surreptitious bites from the muffin that i have hidden in my lap as i sit in the computer room at uni. Apparently, they have a 'big brother' thing going here, where there are cameras monitoring us to make sure we don't eat or drink in the rooms. If they catch us, we get banned from the computers for the rest of the semester. Clearly, that would be bad, as i need things to do in my frees (when study obviously isn't going to be enough to hold my attention for an hour). Seeing as my break is also my lunch break (yes, 9 - 5 straight classes with only an hour break, tuesday is an evil day), it makes sense that i'm currently eating illegally. And drinking coffee illegally, but i'm not hiding that in my lap. Yep, that's right, i'm a real rebel, drinking my coffee out in the open!! Unless i happen to spit it out, it wont end up on the keyboard, so i think they're being a little over dramatic. Who would want to sit like a loner outside when they can sit on a computer and be connected with the entire world?!
Ok, i'm three and a half hours through my stupidly long day (and about a third of the way through my delicious muffin). Which means that i have four and a half hours to go, so i'm not even half way. How depressing. I may need to spend another $3.50 to get another coffee before i spend two hours boring the pants off myself in a civil litigation workshop for which i have prepared nothing... Maybe the sensible thing to do would be to prepare now? But that's far too difficult, so i'm just going to do some blog-visiting instead. Two long classes to go until freedom! And today, freedom will mean coffee/dinner with Loz, perhaps a visit to the North Tce lights (ohhh, shiny!) and seeing Boyfriend. So freedom will rock. Bring on 5pm!!