I've settled into wordpress. It will never be the same, but it's nice to have made a new blogosphere home. As soon as exams (horror!) are over, i'll be trying to devote some quality blog-time to breaking in my new pad.
Surprisingly, some wonderful bloggers have found the hovel since i left it, and the comments they have left made me smile - something which hasn't been easy recently. It reminded me why i love the blogosphere so much. Finding people to talk with, people's opinions to read, new things to learn... Love it.
My last post was dismal, and less eloquent than i generally prefer to be. However, it was fitting for my mood at the time... because i've been blackballed at my church, my second home, for standing up to two other girls who were being bullied. Because i'm always the 'tough' one, the minister there sided with the bully. That's a very simplified explanation. But there are no words to describe the searing pain that i feel when i think of how the minister behaved, how he treated me after knowing me for 11 years and seeing me grow up. In such a short amount of time he went from my inspiration to my nightmare. What made it worse? The fact that i've not found a single person who agreed with him - and yet not one single person thought that i was worth enough to stand up for, that i was worth anything. For all the church preaches, about aeccptance, standing up for what's right, treating people well and being fair... the church i thought was leading the way in community outreach, and doing amazing things... Turns out they're hypocrites.
It's been a month or so. I don't cry every day now. But i feel like i've been kicked in the stomach everytime i think of church, or anytime something reminds me of the home i used to have there (which is pretty much everything). I was threatened into quitting my job, my friends abandoned me as they were too weak to stand up for what they believed in, and any purpose i thought that i had in life was demolished. It's horrendous. I won't ever get over it. I don't understand it, so i can't move past it.
Exams are nearly over; one more next friday. With all the bad things that happened this semester, not just at church, but with my family and my health, getting through these exams has been monumental. But i'm nearly done, and then i get a break, at last, which will hopefully help. Although, my summers used to be full of activities and events that i ran for my church... and now they'll be empty, through no choice of mine. It's scary. And lonely...
I'll survive, don't worry about that. I know i can go on, without being happy. I know that eventually things will be ok. But for now, i shall write like a prophet of doom. Although, i'll be doing so from wordpress, because the betrayers, the hypocrites, the mean people who hurt me - they can't get to me there. If you don't know those people, and you still like what you've found in the hovel, leave me a comment or throw me an email and i'll cyber-direct you right over to my new digs. If enough of you come, i'll throw a blog-warming. It's lonely over there! Either way, thanks for the comments.
They made my november.