Excavation Uncovers Big Hole

Hole To End All Holes...

Recent excavation into the emotional wreckage of teenagers everywhere revealed an unsettling similarity. It seems that there is a singular large (i'm talking unfathomable here) black hole, common for all teenagers, that is shared through some kind of cerebral link. This hole, upon close inspection - from a safe distance of course - is believed to hold many evils, the likes of which have not fully been explored. Two good men were lost on the first attempt to make further conclusions and now preparations for a second investigative team are being made, with much more suitable precations.

So, what is this hole? How did it appear? How is it used? Well, it seems that the hole appeared in the sixties, as teenagers threw away all of their worries. Some kind of magnetic force, in conjunction with an abundance of the rampant flower power of the time, pulled these worries together. Combined, the worries took on a life of their own. Soon, they were a juggernaut of teenage pain and torture, with a ferocious pull that meant all teenagers from that point onwards felt this hole at the back of their subconsious. In times of dire stress, the average teenager has taken to throwing their troubles into the hole, while not completely understanding the logisitics. To them, the hole is simply something that they throw their problems into, satisfying because it feels like we're really making them go away. This single hole, of an undisclosed location, has reached massive proportions and has expanded to touch the minds of teens across the land. Using it is simple; simply pick a current worry, then walk to the hole - as it appears in your mind - and throw whatever it is in. You are gauranteed at least momentary relief from the problem. When (if) it comes back, simply repeat this process.

Recently, the amount going into the hole has grown as teens face more and more stress. Yet, as was the case witht their ancestors, teens instinctively know of the hole and are able to use it to their advantage in ways that adults cannot. While teens throw in their problems, acheiving momentary peace of mind, adults are unable to let go - hence the worried, draw, stressed looks they wear.

An Account Of Talulah* Using The Hole...

*name changed for protection

"To me,'the hole' was initially thought of as a place to put things when we dont want to deal with them.. for example maths homework, bio assignments, the mess covering my bedroom floor etc. Soon after i noticed myself wanting to put bigger and more important things in 'the hole'... my mother when she was in a shit, annoying teachers, annoying people in general, whole subjects... it was then i realised the hole must be large, very large..."

There you have it people. Proof of the existance of the hole. Next time you're stressed, reach out to it. Chuch in your troubles and recieve momentary relief... If the hole fills up, then we'll be in trouble, but we'll deal with that when it happens! So, go forth! Throw things into the large black pit of your subconscious!

Annie & Georgie

a.k.a - scientific researchers of the teenage mind