Forgive, Forget

To Err Is Human, To Forgive Is Divine

The sunday before last, RevJ gave a sermon on forgiveness. It really got me thinking. What truly is forgiveness? Am i forgiving? Is forgiving always important, is it always the best thing to do?

Always a good place to start, i checked out my handy-dandy wikipedia, which defined forgiveness as being "...the mental, and/or spiritual process of ceasing to feel resentment, indignation or anger against another person for a perceived offence, difference or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution..."

Now that seems to make sense to me, seems to be a fairly comprehensive definition. Basically, when someone screws you over, you can't be angry at that person anymore, because it's only human to make mistakes. But that says that you should forgive the PERSON. What about holding a grudge against the ACT itself?

What i mean is that you can forgive a person and not hold the act against them, but still be angry about the act itself. You can think about the person without seeing red, but you can't think about what they did without wanting to punch a wall or cry. Is that still forgiveness? Everything seems to say that the PERSON must be forgiven, but nobody really talks about the ACT. And yes, i believe that there is a distinction.

I don't know if i'm a forgiving person. Essentially, i think i might be (in the least uppity was possible). More-so as i've gotten older. I used to hold grudges, but i don't so much these days. People can hurt me and i'll still keep them around. The other girls are always reprimanding me, saying things like 'he/she's an idiot! look what they've done to you! they've treated you so badly! STOP spending time with them!'. I generally reply with 'it's not their fault, they didn't mean to...' or something along those lines. They call me stupid, but i just can't help it. People make mistakes. I can get past that. But their actions aren't so easily forgiveable. I can think of a person who's hurt me and not feel that pain in my stomach. But thinking of their actions can make me cry or hit my head against a wall. I can't forgive the act. I remember the hurtful things. But i don't really hold it against the perosn. Is that still forgiveness? Or does remembering the act and resenting it mean that i haven't forgiven them? Maybe i'm just fooling myself? It's a fine line.

"Peter came to Jesus and asked, 'Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?' Jesus answered, 'I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times (or seventy times seven).'" (Matthew 18:21-22)

I forgive seventy-seven times. I forgive the person. I don't expect compensation. But i'll remember those seventy-seven acts and be hurt or angry.

Some people tell me that forgiveness isn't always a good thing. Because i always forgive the person, it means that i keep people who hurt me close to me. That can't be good for me... especially those repeat offenders. Other girls say 'once bitten, twice shy' - but i tend to assume that they'll have learnt their lesson and won't hurt me again... even though that's always the case. Maybe if i didn't forgive as easily, i'd not be hurt as often. I know that God says we have to forgive to be good Christians. But if forgiving means that we get more and more hurt, and therefore unable to focus on Him and trust in Him, then is forgiving the best thing? Something to think about...

But even after saying all that, i still forgive the people who hurt me. Other people get mad at them on my behalf, but i still keep them around. Granted, remembering their actions can be like a kick in the stomach - but seeing them isn't too bad. Am i forgiving? Or not? It's a tricky call. Should i keep 'forgiving'? Or should i start protecting myself from the people who hurt me? Again, i don't know...

Annie