Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Girls Just Wanna have Fun

Cyndi Lauper had it right when she sang about girls more or less just wanting to have a good time. 

Today, i had a long coffee date with Pi from uni. It was fantastic (numbingly cold, but fantastic). We chatted about her newly-married life, her friend's upcoming wedding and difficult bridesmaid, my stupid work, how ridiculous it is that dress sizes are so short and small... 

i was complaining about stupid work, after we'd talked about the wedding for awhile. Suddenly, Pi said that she had to go and meet her mum. I felt really stupid, like i'd been talking too much and she'd just been dying to leave. I realise that this is unlikely, but i now feel very embarassed. I realised that the main reason that i'd been talking nineteen to the dozen was because i was craving some girl-time. 

Since school finished, i have had less and less contact with my school-girl friends. This isn't so much on my part as it is theirs; over time, many of my best school friends have decided that they're too good for me, too busy for me, or too exciting for me... either way, i don't really see them anymore. In fact, the most girl-time that i have is my one a week coffee date with Pi, after our wednesday class, when time permits. Sure, i see Loz reasonably often, but she has a slight tendency to be harsh and critical of people, including me... which makes it hard to confide in her, as much as i love her. Other than that, i have rare catch ups with Miha, or LozK... but that's pretty much all. I don't have a little group of girls that do things like go to the movies, or go shopping, or have girls nights in. The coffee dates i do have are generally cut short, because we're too busy. Alternatively, rare coffee dates are spent catching up on the last month or two, and by the time we've done that it's time to go. 

I drove past Urrbrae High the other day. I nearly burst into tears, looking at all of the girls walk into school laughing and smiling with their friends. I miss that so much, having girls to talk to. Pi has a group of four or five really close girlfriends in her church, and she's so lucky. At the moment, i'm so out of place at church that i'm spending as little time as possible there. With only one or two girls my age there anyway, none of whom really participate in the university/part-time job type of life, there's not that much hope for an epic friendship group anyway. Uni isn't much better - i hardly know anyone in my degree, and by fourth year (this year), most people are already settled in their groups, so that chance is lost.

I miss the days when Loz, Katie and i were inseparable. Or when Roz, SB, Ayles and i spend every saturday night going to the movies or just hanging out. I miss being able to just rock up at someone's house to hang out. Or having people i can just be comfortable with, and chat about anything, rather than monitoring my every word. As it was, it was only in my last school years that i had those kind of friends...

Maybe when i enter the workforce i'll find a place where i finally fit in. But, knowing me, it's unlikely. Maybe i'm destined to spend the rest of my life without those kinds of friends. I mean, Boyfriend is amazing, and i don't know what i'd do without him. He's my best friends. But he's a guy. So it's just not the same... 

I miss having 'the girls' to hang out with, so so much. Life without good friends really does suck.