Girls Just Wanna have Fun

Cyndi Lauper had it right when she sang about girls more or less just wanting to have a good time. 

Today, i had a long coffee date with Pi from uni. It was fantastic (numbingly cold, but fantastic). We chatted about her newly-married life, her friend's upcoming wedding and difficult bridesmaid, my stupid work, how ridiculous it is that dress sizes are so short and small... 

i was complaining about stupid work, after we'd talked about the wedding for awhile. Suddenly, Pi said that she had to go and meet her mum. I felt really stupid, like i'd been talking too much and she'd just been dying to leave. I realise that this is unlikely, but i now feel very embarassed. I realised that the main reason that i'd been talking nineteen to the dozen was because i was craving some girl-time. 

Since school finished, i have had less and less contact with my school-girl friends. This isn't so much on my part as it is theirs; over time, many of my best school friends have decided that they're too good for me, too busy for me, or too exciting for me... either way, i don't really see them anymore. In fact, the most girl-time that i have is my one a week coffee date with Pi, after our wednesday class, when time permits. Sure, i see Loz reasonably often, but she has a slight tendency to be harsh and critical of people, including me... which makes it hard to confide in her, as much as i love her. Other than that, i have rare catch ups with Miha, or LozK... but that's pretty much all. I don't have a little group of girls that do things like go to the movies, or go shopping, or have girls nights in. The coffee dates i do have are generally cut short, because we're too busy. Alternatively, rare coffee dates are spent catching up on the last month or two, and by the time we've done that it's time to go. 

I drove past Urrbrae High the other day. I nearly burst into tears, looking at all of the girls walk into school laughing and smiling with their friends. I miss that so much, having girls to talk to. Pi has a group of four or five really close girlfriends in her church, and she's so lucky. At the moment, i'm so out of place at church that i'm spending as little time as possible there. With only one or two girls my age there anyway, none of whom really participate in the university/part-time job type of life, there's not that much hope for an epic friendship group anyway. Uni isn't much better - i hardly know anyone in my degree, and by fourth year (this year), most people are already settled in their groups, so that chance is lost.

I miss the days when Loz, Katie and i were inseparable. Or when Roz, SB, Ayles and i spend every saturday night going to the movies or just hanging out. I miss being able to just rock up at someone's house to hang out. Or having people i can just be comfortable with, and chat about anything, rather than monitoring my every word. As it was, it was only in my last school years that i had those kind of friends...

Maybe when i enter the workforce i'll find a place where i finally fit in. But, knowing me, it's unlikely. Maybe i'm destined to spend the rest of my life without those kinds of friends. I mean, Boyfriend is amazing, and i don't know what i'd do without him. He's my best friends. But he's a guy. So it's just not the same... 

I miss having 'the girls' to hang out with, so so much. Life without good friends really does suck.

New Zealand Visitor

When i went to Europe, i made friend named Libby. She was lots like me - we laughed lots, had heaps of fun and were our usual companions as we explored Europe. I haven't seen her in almost two years now. This week, she came over to Adelaide to see me! She flew in sunday afternoon and left yesterday. We had such a good time, i had forgotten how much fun we had together. I enjoyed playing tourist!!

Sunday night flew by. We had planned to see a movie, as the movie theatre in the small town that Lib comes from shut down years ago and she has to drive hours to the cinema now. However, Lib was knackered and fell asleep around 6, so i just spent the night chilling.

When monday came, it was time to dig deep and think of all of the touristy things that you can do in Radelaide. Despite the warm weather of the past few weeks, it was a horrible morning. Pouring with rain, gale winds, bitterly cold... we decided that Lib must've brought the awful weather with her from NZ. We picked Loz up and headed up the freeway. Our first stop was the Mt. Lofty Summit. Despite the cold and the wind, it was pretty cool to see the panoramic view of Adelaide, and we stopped off to get postcards and other touristy things. Then we headed up to Hahndorf. Before we could get out of the car, the rain started to pound down. We raced for the German Arms, where we settled in for some lunch. They had a fire, so it was nice and warm!! We ate lunch and it was super filling and yummy. Afterwards, we dashed through the rain between shop verandas and looked at all of the Hahndorf goodies. We hit a few chocolate and sweet shops to stock up on treats, and i got a lucky fairy coin from the awesome fairy shop. Eventually, we'd had enough of getting wet, so we headed to Harbor Town for some shopping. Lib was looking for shorts, but apparently Adelaide isn't ready to sell those yet... instead we found a few random bits and pieces and stocked up on hula hoops for kids club. It was still bucketing down and we got soaked again, but there were rainbows this time!!

We had a big family dinner, with Lib and my new bf (a story for another time...), which was far less terrifying than we had all thought that it would be. Phew! Lib went to sleep early again and i hung out with the boyfriend for awhile. One successful night as a tour guide down!

On Tuesday i dropped Lib in town while i went to work for awhile. There's way too much to do for kids club for me to have skipped a day! I went in at lunch to collect her and we wandered the shops for awhile - we bought cds and had coffee and a chat... it was a pretty chilled day. The afternoon was spent reading the new Dan Brown book, which was exciting. At night, Loz and i took Lib on a nightlife tour of adelaide... this consisted of a drive through town to see the Lantern, the zoo, St. Peter's cathedral and the unis, before heading down to the beach for gelati and a walk to the jetty. We finished up with a trip to Windy Point, where cops asked us if we were the ones doing burnouts, we took lots of photos and stole a traffic cone on the way down the hill again for use at kids club. Not super exciting, but we made it work...

On wednesday, Lib was up super early so we made the most of the day. Loz and i took her to see The Ugly Truth at Marion, before we explored IKEA and hung out at the airport for awhile. I finally got my bookshelves at IKEA and we had Hungry Jack's for lunch. Loz got her scissors confiscated at the security point - they refused rather rudely just to hold onto them for us. Grr. We waved Lib off at the gate with promises to see each other again soon.

It was great seeing Lib. I loved having her around - she was so much fun and she's so easy to be with - moreso than heaps of the people that i know in Adelaide. I miss her already and hopefully i'll get over to NZ soon. It was a pretty awesome few days!

Visitor!

My Contiki friend Lib is here from NZ this week, just to visit me. Hence, the lack of posts that i'm sure you're all dearly missing. We're having a blast, it's so good to see her! I forgot how easy she is to get along with and have fun with. Yay! I'm stoked that she came to Adelaide just to visit me. Finding touristy things to do was hard though! I'll tell you about it later. She leaves tomorrow afternoon, so i promise that after that i'll be back... I tell you, it's exhausting having someone stay in your bedroom! You have to keep them entertained 24/7 and can never just properly relax!! I'm knackered and can't wait to sleep... unfortunately, it's the holidays and i have a million things on (study, parties, study, catching up with friends, study, planning kids club, RUNNING kids club...) and i never seem to have enough time to sleep!! But hopefully tomorrow afternoon i'll get some downtime. For now, i've got a million things to do at work, and then i've got to pick Lib up from town! Hope you're all enjoying the holidays!

I've Missed My Computer...

I've seemingly not been on my computer in a long time. I keep thinking of things to blog, but my computer had just been out of the loop. Sad face.

I spent wednesday, thursday and friday hanging out with a mate, watching One Tree Hill and playing Poke'mon gameboy games. It was great fun and i was happy the entire time, which was lovely.

Wednesday night i saw Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince with the Walford girls - an age old traddition - which was fantastic (more in depth commentary on it to come). Afterwards, we all went back to Ray's house and spent three hours talking about the movie, the girls we know and boys, all the while drinking tea and eating chocolate biscuits and almonds and toast and stuff... We chatted until half past two in the morning, the time just flew by. It's been months and months since we've had a proper catch up like that. I'd forgotten how great it feels to hang out with girls like that and just gossip and chat. It was so much fun.

Thursday night we attempted to have a movie marathon at church to watch the second two Matrix movies... however, it seemed doomed from the start. We fired up the big projector at church and spent an hour trying to hook the computer up to the projector... but it didn't work. So we went to three video shops trying to get both the second and the third movies. Finally succeeding. We went back to the church and tried to play the movie... but it didn't work. The disc was literally split down the middle. Pissed off at the stupid woman who'd served us, we took it back and swapped it for another disc. Half an hour in, the dumb thing started skipping. We went BACK to the video shop, only to arrive at 10.01pm and be told that they wouldn't let us swap it. Another video shop told us the same thing (take note - that's six video shop trips...). Eventually, we gave up, grabbed The Break-Up from my place and watched that. Dismal failiure of a movie night!! We'll try again some other time... Jeepers, it was a super frustrating night.

Friday night i went to see Harry Potter again, mainly because i was cranky and needed to get out of the house. I was a bit late, because i didn't know what time the movie started, and when i arrived all of the tickets were sold out. I rang one of the people i was supposed to see the movie with and they said there was one empty seat in front of them, so they snuck me in (i didn't pay for my ticket!!!). I had to sit alone, so it was fairly boring and a dodgy way to see a movie, but i didn't have to pay, so it wasn't all bad. And i liked seeing the movie again.

I had a fill-in shift at stateswim on saturday. It was good to see all of my babies again!! They were so happy to see me and i'd missed their adorableness (but am not at all regretting giving up my shift. Getting up that early is awful on a saturday morning). The parents had missed me too; i had a bunch of them come up to me and tell me that their kids swum so much better with me and had missed me. One mum asked if i had any other shifts, because she'd change her kid into any class i taught, he swum so much better with me. A few asked about how uni was going and seemed to genuinely miss me. It was awesome! Some of the other teachers were glad to see me too; one of the boys even noticed that i'd dyed my hair and said that i looked nice. It was good!

Saturday night was youth group. We played a live game of Cluedo. I was Dame Preacher in the kitchen. I had to make kids eat a plate of cake covered in tomato sauce in under forty seconds before i could tell them who i was playing. It was lots of fun!

The last few days, i've been struggling to keep my sad side under wraps. It's not been going so well. I've been ok so long as i've been around other people, but that's about all. As soon as i'm on my own, i fall apart. Tonight was the worst. I nearly lost it in front of people and had to race off. My reasons weren't particularly logical. It wasn't helped by one of the boys telling me in all seriousness that he didn't like me. It was cruel and horrible. I came home in tears, much to my mothers distress. I feel a little better now... but i've got the feeling it's going to be a long week.

Okie doke, that's the long and short of my week. Aren't you all enthralled? I'm sure you were severely missing knowing the ins and outs of everything...!

Parrrrtay!

Well, i survived the 21st last night. Thankfully, those who hate me have reached a stage where they just ignore me all together, which at least means that there is no bitchiness to my face. I choose to see that as a positive. I hadn't seen the boys in almost six months, so we had plenty to catch up on. They're such a nice group, they have never made me feel bad. I didn't know heaps of people really well, but the boys took me under their wings. It was a small party, i felt pretty pleased to be invited. Clearly they don't hate me. Drinks were cheap, speeches were good, dresses were pretty - i wore my new clothes and didn't feel completely ridiculous. Hodgey and i decided that we needed to go to England. He's all for dropping everything and moving there, i'm all for a vacation. We're still negotiating. One of the other guys, who is pretty much a CK model, chatted to me for ages, being a fellow quiet party buddy. No idea what we were talking about half the time, but i know eventually we came to a few consensus; 1) Definitely, Maybe is an excellent movie and Ryan Reynolds is hot (though we disagreed on one point; CK said it was depressing because people don't get endings like that in real life); 2) 27 Dresses is awesome, Katherine Heigel is a great actress and John Marsden has a perfect smile (CK has declared that seeing that smile will cheer him up, no matter what. I agree); 3) we should try to live life like we're in a movie - as in, do those things that you think only movie people can get away with (i'm talking slapping people, throwing water on people who piss you off, jumping on people and throwning your legs around them instead of just giving them hugs, doing movie star dip kisses...) - we've agreed to try and live our life that way for awhile and keep each other posted. It was a bizzare conversation, but it lasted a long time and saved me from more awkward standing around. Hodgey and i skulled some Franges (his expense) and i caught up with TinyTim for the first time in ages, which was good fun. After a few of the boys got kicked out for being too 'rowdy', we moved on.

We taxi-ed to Hindley. The birthday boy peed in an alley and missed getting arrested by *this* much. We queued for Electric Circus, but while they said they'd express myself and the other girl that was with our group, they wouldn't let the boys in and we'd have to wait forty-five minutes if we all wanted to get in together. So we bailed to the Dog and Duck, where there was no line and a cheaper cover charge. Woot! Once inside, the other girl there and i attempted to bond. I actually do law with her, but apparently, three years in, she had no idea about that... degrading, but she was nice, so i let it slide. We bonded over some fashion disasters.

Then the boys started to hit their stride. Drinks were knocked back. Spurts of dancing were indulged in. I met a friend of theirs who attempted to make me dance by grabbing my hands and somewhat pinning me against the bar... it was awkward and i'd not drunk enough to even pretend that it was ok. Follow that with some creppy guy coming up to me and the other girl and hitting on us, very creepily. Lucky for her, her bf stepped in and got all 'protective'. Unlucky for me, i had no such boyfriend. Hodge eventually saw my distress and came to save me. After awhile longer, we were all pretty zonked and headed out.

When i was saying bye to the boys, they all seemed sorry to see me go and said it had been great to see me again. I really do love those boys. They're just so generous and nice. It's an awesome change from most of the people that i know. I taxi-ed home with a few of them and we had a bit of a goss about which girls were hot and which guys they thought were good enough for me. Classic. And informative.

Despite me being worried about being on the outer for the whole night, things turned out ok. Sure, it was awkward at times, and there were moments when i felt like a total third wheel loser, but by the time we hit town i was back to being the awesome girl who parties with the guys. All was well. Geez, getting ready to go out is psychologically draining. But everything seems to work out ok in the end with that group. I'm looking forward to the repeat coming soon. Woo!

Run, Walk, Crawl on the FlindersONE Pubcrawl

Last night was the first pub crawl for the entire of Flinders uni. There were so many people involved that they split us into four colour groups and we went to different pubs on rotation. Loz and i had pre-drinks at mine (drinking in pairs is better than drinking alone!), then went into town. Somehow, Loz had the pubs muddled up, so we went to the Winston, and got free drinks at Electric Light before we realised that we were supposed to me at the Elephant. We met up with Elmo and his girlfriend and headed over there for another drink. All along rundle there were people in coloured tee-shirts. As well as our crawl, there were about three other pub crawls out... so tipsy uni students more or less took over the town.

After the Elephant we went back to the Winston. Even though it looked kind of dodgy, we ended up having lots of fun there. A bajillion uni students out for a good time are destined to make fun no matter where they are. Winston to Elephant for a quick drink stop and then over to PJs (where we were supposed to start the night...). Loz and i stuck around for another few drinks at PJs before we gave up and headed home. Yay for pub crawls!

We got home around 12am, which was fairly decent - fitting a big lot of partying into a mere four hours. I fell into bed exhausted. I'd had a pretty fun night; Loz's friends are all pretty awesome and they all seem to like me, which is lots of fun. Naturally, i managed to argue (via text, which is always dangerous) with one of my mates and that put a dampner on things, but i'm trying to ignore than and focus on the fact that Loz's mates don't think i'm a freak and they like hanging out with me! I like making new friends.

All Grown Up

I'm fricking pissed off at the tendency of certain people to have absolutely no consideration for the plans and feelings of others. So, instead of sitting here ranting and stewing on my blog, i'm going to talk about something good - like last night.

Last night was Mr.Music's bday dinner. We 'surprised' him by all bringing different dishes and having a huge feast; it really was a feast, as all of us cooked for about 10... lots of food. To start with, there were just six of us (tw more came along later). As usual, i felt the age difference keenly, so was pretty quiet, but it was still lots of fun. MarriedMan was there and he's always an absolute legend. We talked dinosaurs, time travel, the new Hobbit movie, classic movies... actually, we were a little random on our topic choices! I had a really good time hanging out with them.

I had to bail early to finish a stupid assignment (which kept me up until 1.30am, and i didn't get to sleep until 3am...), which Mr.Music handed in for me this morning - he's a saviour! - while i was doing a fill-in at stateswim. But a late night studying after a good night out is so much better than a late night studying after a long evening studying... yay!

Not A Loser After All

Tonight, i was supposed to go to a huge piss up at HQ in town - Skullduggery. But, i bailed and stayed home instead. I was just to scared to go on my own, even though i'd know so many people there, surely... but, you know me. I'm often afraid of the unknown. So i chickened out. And i was sitting at home feeling like a loser. But i ended up spending the night drinking Russian Caravan tea (a new fave), eating chocolate and, most importantly, talking to LozK and English on msn. They made me laugh and smile, and i'm a happy chappy. Smiles all around. I definately had a better time staying at home and talking to people and being comfortable, rather than going out and pushing myself. It's been a long few weeks, and the stress of uni is starting to show itself. I'm glad i enjoyed relaxing tonight. Plus, i'm getting sick, so i'm probably better off staying home, rather than going out, getting drunk, blending into the background. I had fun tonight. Tonight was a fantastic thursday.

Leave Of Absence

Lack of regular posting is due to a swarm of viruses that converged on my poor laptop last week. Thankfully, i've abused Elmo's charity and he's fixing it for free. Downside? I've been laptop-less and have resorted to begging my brother for his, even if just for a few minutes (eg. right now). Upside? I've read Mao's Last Dancer today (had to do something to fill the usual 'computer time') and feel very enlightened and educated.

In other - very brief - news... i've had a plethora of girls birthdays/brunches/dinners this week and it's been good seeing the girls. It's interesting to see who's really keen on catching up with me and who's not. Maybe one day i'll write a book about the societal relations between girls. Gauranteed best seller. I saw the letter writer at one of these gatherings. Despite a terrible greeting and my over-talking to fill any awkward silence, i survived. In the world of men, my not-so-charming prince never replied to a much needed 'what the hell is going on' text, so that's led to a week of my jumping everytime my phone goes off. Tomorrows face-to-face will see us either resolve the problem, continue to ignore the problem, or pretend like there is no problem. As to which it will be, your guess is as good as mine.

Right, my allotted minutes are up and i should be sleeping because i've got to work at the hellhole that is the swimming centre tommorow.

Hopefully, i shall return to regularly scheduled posting by sunday night.

Sunny To Stormy

Have a quick re-read of last weeks posts. I sound like a different person; all happy and glowy about my life. It was a really awesome week.

As of saturday, it was a whole new week, and the world reverted to 'crap-fest 09'. The friend who wrote the letter? I responded. I now assume that friendship is pretty much over. Bye-bye ex-best-friend. The friend who was being bitchy? She's turned up the heat on the anti-annabel campaign. Now it's snide comments behind my back (which are inevitably repeated to me within minutes) and completely ignoring me when we're together. Not even a 'hello' when we're face to face. Not even the slackest guides to ettiquette would rule this as decent behaviour. Friend two, au revoir.

I can handle the loss of girlfriends - because hate mail and bitching are both things that i can cut from my life of drama.

Throw friend three into the mix, and i crumpled. Yelling matches over nothing, avoiding whatever the real problem is, alternating between not speaking to each other and joking around. The joking lasts seconds, the yelling lasts seconds, the freeze-out lasts indefinately. It's beyond awful. Joy joy joy.

This kind of (non-)confrontation leaves me a wreck. I can't focus, i can't function... i hate being this way. I hate how people don't talk about things. I hate how friendships with people that have really influenced your life seem to get complicated so easily.

Grumble Grumble.

Maybe, from now on, i'll alternate between one good week and one bad week. That would probably be ok?

P.S.

Also. I e-mailed a reply to the girl that wrote me that letter. I wanted to write it, but i didn't have her address. So i took the risk and e-mailed it. Now i just have to hope that it goes straight to her and stays there. Even if it doesn't, i think i was fairly safe in what i sent. It wasn't mean or bitchy. At least now it's done.

Three Times A Charm

Last night was another good night! There must be something in the water at the moment.

First, i went to see He's Just Not That Into You. It was hilarious! The cinema was absolutely jam packed and it was one of those movies that had everyone completely engaged. Everyone was laughing, cringing, shrieking and talking to one another. The movie was similar to Love Actually, in that everyone turned out to be bound to everyone else in one way or another. All of the girls in the audience seemed to relate to one character or another; there was the cute but clueless sweet girl determined to find love, the 'happily' married woman, the woman in a longterm relationship where the guy wouldn't commit to marriage, the sexy blonde bombshell... The one problem i had with the movie was that everyone got their happy ending, despite the whole movie initially being about how men knew what they wanted straight from the beginning... That slightly confusing statement will make more sense once you've grabbed a group of girlfriends and seen it for yourself. Which i definately think that you should do.

Afterwards, we grabbed a quick coffee and had a brief chat. It was a little awkward, but not unbearably so. We didn't have mountains to talk about, but all was well. In the case of one of the girls, i don't think she talked to me all night. But whatever - with friends like that who needs enemies.

I headed to B's place for girl's night. I was very apprehensive, as i only knew B and not any of the others. Plus, they were all the year below me at uni, and i'm not meant to socialise too much with the lower level 'plebs', haha. However, the girls were all gorgeous! They were so friendly and welcoming. I didn't say a lot, but i wasn't a total mute; i even ate something (which i usually don't, because the girls i usually go out with tend not to eat...). There were the best cupcakes in the world. We meant to watch movies but were having too much fun talking and eating. I was there for four hours, was one of the last to leave, made some awesome new friends. I just can't get over how friendly and nice the girls were! B's got such a lovely group of friends. Hopefully i get to know them better in te near future.

I went to bed with a smile on my face.

Clear As Crystal

I had a four hour coffee with Noodle today. It's the second day in a row that i've found a comfortable friend, whom i love and who loves me. She'd be there for me. It's so much clearer now. I have to cut off the people who hurt me. They're just not worth it! I don't deserve to be hurt or put down so that other people can feel better about themselves. I don't need to rely on people like that. I'm going to try and believe that i don't deserve anything less than that.

If this is the kind of resolution i can stick to, i'm going to be a much better, happier person.

Strike Out Alone

I have friend-troubles. I often do. There was always the question 'is it me, or is it them?'. Is it my fault? Am i too immature, too demanding, too different? It would be easy to blame it all on myself, i'm good at that. But i broke it down - and i don't think it is. I'm 19; i'm not a 30yr old woman or a 14yr old girl. I act my age. I'm learning, i'm insecure, i'm responsible, i'm reliable. I act my age. Am i demanding? Well, i expect my friends to be loyal and to keep in touch. I want to know that they're there for me, if i needed them to be. I don't think that's too much - i think that i manage to be that kind of a friend to other people. Maybe i'm just too damn annoying. But i don't think that's it either.

One friend goes around telling people we're 'drifting apart', while making no effort to catch up or keep in touch. She rudely bails on things. She doesn't like that i spend any time with her boyfriend and his friends - even though i knew them first. She makes things difficult. I've tried to accomodate this for a year, and now the drama and strain is just too much for me. So i'm giving up.

Another friend, someone who used to be my best friend, wrote me a letter 'explaining' her position. More or less, the letter said that she'd 'grown up' and only needed to see her old friends two or three times a year to keep in touch, for a half hour here or there. It said that she valued my friendship, and knowing that i'm there for her is enough. But there was an undeniable condecending tone. Basically, the message was 'i want to be friends, but only if we do it my way'. That doens't really fly with me. I don't need to see my friends everyday. But i usually txt or e-mail back and forth with them every few weeks. We know what's going on in each others lives. This girl has no idea about me, and fools herself into thinking that we're still ok. In my world, for close friends, things don't work that way. Further evidence to support that? Earlier this year, a few of the girls found out that i'd been keeping something a secret, something that was really damaging me. It was a serious thing. I never expected them to talk about it with me (which was good, because they mentioned it once and then never again). But i did expect them to show me that they would be there for me if i needed them. A half hour coffee every five months with absolutely no contact in between doesn't measure up. The letter talked about not wanting to fit into my 'mould' of a good friend - when, essentially, she was asking me to fit into hers. I'm sure i'll see her around from time to time, but as for any notions of proper friendship, it looks like we've got no hope.

Just to add insult to injury, another friend of mine upset me the other night. He's the kind of guy who makes promises and pleads for my trust - but once he has it, he abuses and uses it, and me. He can be charming and wonderful, and those are the parts that i tend to focus on... until i realise that he's just made me cry with his ridiulousness. Makes and breaks plans, taunts me, comes and goes when it's convenient. Maybe i should steer clear of that...

I used to be the kind of friend who gave people her everything and asked for very little in return. I was 'the funny one' and the one that people came to to talk about their problems and be made to feel better. I was loyal to a fault and would drop everything to help them. After high school, i couldn't be that person anymore. It was too hard to be give-give-give and never take. A lot of my friends didn't appreciate having to give something back. Other people couldn't figure out why i needed friends to 'be there for me'; it became a task that apparently my school friends weren't keen on. The little things started to throw our relationships off and things got messy and complicated.

These days, my close friends aren't people that i was really good friends with in high school. My high school BFFs are still around though, and cutting ties with them seems so impossible. I hate having to leave such a big part of my life behind, but i don't think it would be healthy to continue the way we were. It hurts too much. And i'm going to have to work on not letting people use me anymore. I have trouble saying 'no', trouble letting go and trouble finding people who aren't going to hurt me.

Friendship is so complicated. It's a minefield and a disaster, seemingly more good than bad. Is it supposed to be like that? Hopefully, things will settle down sooner or later, and i can stop worrying about people disapearing on me, damaging me, messing me around - and finally just have reliable friends, who i can have fun with.

I really, really hope that it's sooner rather than later.

Two Thumbs Up For Bri

I love Bri.

I went to visit her this afternoon. We rocked some 'GuitarHero'. We de-coded each others text messages from boys (SO hard to interpret without a second opinion). We caught each other up on the gossip of our worlds.

I listened to Bri and her woes. She listened to mine (which tend to be more obsessive, and dramatic, and repetitive, so she gets way more brownie points than me). We advised each other. We made a list. We likened a certain situation to someone dangling a doggie treat in front of my nose. That does not make me a dog.

We texted everyday while i was in QLD. There were two phone calls (woo! for free calls to each other!). I expect something very similar whilst i'm in VIC. I plan to send a photo of me with Larry the Giant Lobster.

I've never had a friend quite like that. I like it! I hope i don't screw it up...

Boxing Day

I spent the first half of monday doing nothing, and the second half doing plenty. Our plans to hit the Moonlight Cinema fell through, but Loz came over anyway and we made new plans. We rang LittleM and decided to drag him along on our adventure.

First Stop: Maccas for dinner. It took us two hours to eat happy meals and converse on the state of the world. Then, we had coffee, to sustain us through the next part of the adventure. Our coffee was served to us by two men that i recognised from a medieval acting guild thingy, so it was very theatrical java.

Step Two: We headed up the freeway, juggling our coffees, to the Lobethal Lights. We somehow took a long-turn and headed into very wolf-creek like territory, which had me checking the rear-view mirror in fear of seeing the creepy John guy from Playschool in my backseat. After we left the dark, deserted roadway, we hit the main drag, all lit up like a fairy village on the summer solstice (like the imagery?). We parked and went straight to the market. Clearly, it was time to spend some money. We looked at hilarious ties, got in trouble for taking photos, bought glowsticks, fudge and nougat. Then, we got immersed in the jewellery stall. Loz and i clearly stated what we liked, then bought it for each other as belated-Christmas presents. Yay! Pretty, shiny, jingly earrings and bracelets. Plus, we got each other $2 lucky dips, which were a hoot. I scored a One Tree Hill-Nathan/Hayley bracelet (those in the know will understand the reference) that will now make it's way into my regular wardrobe rotation. Then, LittleM was guilted into buying us necklaces, which were just so cool. It was an excellent half hour of gift giving.

Third Step: Finally, it was time to actually look at the lights. We walked up a big hill and 'oooh-ed' and 'aaahhh-ed'. Then we walked along a backstretch, which was again eerily reminiscent of a scene from Wolf Creek... except this time we were walking, there were no cars, and there weren't even any christmas lights! Eventually, we found our way back to the main street. We went back to the car and drove around, hoping to find some more impressive light displays... and that's where we found it - the coolest, twinkliest display ever. The front yard was huge and all of the front windows had displays in them (i'm not sure where their furniture was...!). There were arches, elves, Merry Christmas spelt out in lights, a helicopter full of pressies, a life size santa, expanses of lawn ringed by little animals and Pooh-Bears and snowmen and angels... It was amazing. I LOVE shiny things. This was like my heaven.

After that, we had to go home - after the magic house, we couldn't do better! Foolishly, we took the advice of the boy and took a different turn off home... only to be stuck on an incredibly windy road for the next hour. Behind a person doing 40kmph until they realised i was being driven insane and pulled over to let me pass. And then it started to rain... Loz was worried i'd kill us all. Personally, i have greater belief in my talents. The road came out at the top of Macgill Road somehow! But i got us all home, at 1am, safe and sound.

Another excellent Christmas adventure!!

Night Out With The Boys

Saturday night was Hodge's 21st. Really, i have a bit of a crush on that whole group. Everytime we see them we have so much fun. They're nice, they don't make any snide comments about how i look or how i act, they think i'm an absolute 'chiller' (not entirely sure why, but apparently it's a consensus), and we're always out until all hours dancing the night away. Woot! This weekend was no exception.

We spent four or five hours in the Griffins Head, listening to witty speeches with funny stories, catcnhing up with people that we'd not seen in awhile, drank franges (champagne sunrise) aplenty and, once we'd suitably settled into a tipsy comfortable-ness with old and new friends, started to dance. Atmostphere - good. Cute guys - check. Free drinks - yes! Compliments - plenty (the phrase 'all kinds of divine' was used in reference to my attire). Smiley Annabel.

After we got shepherded out of the GH, we walked to the Duke - this turned out to be more of a feat than we had expected. Aside from a general idea of where the Duke was in relation to where we were, we weren't to sure how far we'd have to walk. It turned out to be quite a way. The boys complained about the distance as much as the girls did - though i disparaged any right they claimed to have to complain. Eventually, we made it in at half price and without a line. More dancing, of the sweaty, loud and crowded variety ensued. Much jumping, yelling along, etc. I fended off one of the guys (whom i didn't know) who had a propensity to be butt-grabby in the most extreme way - i have no idea what the attraction to that is. Another guy was much less disgusting, earning himself the fabulous reward of my good favour. He was a sweetie. Granted, he and a friend wanted Bri and i to leave with them and take the party back to theirs, an offer which i declined in a very lady-like manner. But all was well, because he stayed with me anyway (even though his friend took the road less travelled and left Bri all alone).

My feet didn't last much longer, so we bailed and did the ever-dreadful taxi-search, culminating in a guy giving up his cab for us but warning us that the driver was creepy. When Bri got out, she called and stayed on the phone with me until i escaped the cab. That way, if he tried to kill me, she at least would be able to tell my parents.

It was an excellent night out. Wooooot for 21sts!

Fine Lines

There are so many situations in which the line between two scenarious is so blurred that it's hard to see where one ends and the other begins. People have to use their judgement to decide which one is right and which is false. I've started to wonder whether people jump to the conclusion that is easiest for them to handle.

Take, for example, a statement that could be interpreted in one of two ways. Either as an insult, or as a throw-away comment. Interpteting it as a statement meant cruelly is a perfect excuse to create some distance in an already complicated relationship. Breathing room, distance, time to think. Much easier than continuing on a track with a possibly disastrous end. The way you chose to interpret something changes everything.

Scenario two? We have a friend who's disapeared from our radar. Occasionally, she'll pop up for a coffee with someone, or a quick stop-in. She used to be our best friend, a perfect part of our group, we were in sync. But now, we know next to nothing about her. She's as good as gone - and not for a lack of our trying. It started with her refusing invitations out. She used all sorts of excuses; no money, no energy, a bad day, a bad week, her boyfriend didn't want to... we heard them all. We have eventually figured that she really just doesn't care about us anymore, doesn't need/value our friendship, or miss us.

What if we have the wrong idea? What if there's something wrong and she's backed off because she just can't deal? We've all assumed, sefishly, that she just doesn't think we're worth her time anymore. What if we've overlooked something that's hurting her? We've got no idea. I worry that the girls are quick to assume that nothing is wrong, and that whoever doesn't want to see you anymore has just decided they don't need their friends. It's not unusual for girls just to bitch about their friend abandoning them... what if something is really wrong? They'd never know. If i dropped of the face of their earth, would they think that it was because i didn't need them anymore?

The decisions people make about how to interpret a situation could make so much difference. The easiest interpretation may not always be the right one. So how do you tell?

With The Girls

Last night we had a BBQ at Noodle's house. Despite my initial reluctance to go (i'm in one of my reclusive stages), i had a good time! It was finally a chance to catch up with George, Miha and Noodle, whom i'd not had conversations with in months. It's amazing how little we knew about what was going on in each others lives, when we used to be so close. Apparently i've been a topic of conversation between some of the girls, as they've been worrying about who i have been spending my time with, which is interesting. Especially seeing as i don't really talk to them about it, so they're jumping to some amusing conclusions. It was also interesting to see how some of us sat at one end of the table, and some of us at the other, and it was as if there were two separate BBQs - we really didn't intermingle and awful lot! But that didn't really matter, we were all happy. Add to that mix a cute boy (who's way out of my league, but always nice to me) and it really wasn't a bad night! I only stayed a few hours, becuase i was inexplicably tired, but a short catch-up with friends is better than none. Noodle and i made plans to bake gingerbread on friday, so i can't wait!

Tuesdays At The Ed

Ahh, the Edinburgh. The place to be on a tuesday night. Tonight, we had a girls dinner. It was great seeing everyone again - there were only six of us, but i hadn't seen some of the girls in months. Dinner took us a few hours: it must be said that the service was pretty slow. But the food was yummy and we all got incredibly full. We drank wine (tres sophisticated), giggled, discussed our old school and all the crummy changes being made there... it was all good. After tea, i managed to forget what i'd eaten while paying the bill. One of the other girls prompted me, but the cashier managed to look at me like a moron. Gee, like everyone has a super memory!!

After tea, we went into the garden for a few drinks. There was much hilarity... some random guy came up behind us and stared singing. None of us knew him, so we expected him to introduce himself, or start hitting on someone... instead he continued to sing. I politely said 'would it be rude to ask if this was a dare?' - he replied that it wouldn't be rude, that he hadn't been dared and that he was just weird. Then he walked away. I think he was offended. But it was hard to tell. Maybe it was all part of his weirdness.

Then a friend of George's arrived. She introduced him by name, and then added 'he's rugged and handsome'. I liked that! I think everyone should be introduced with compliments attached to their name. For example; 'this is Annabel. She's gorgeous and funny' (personally, i think that people should introduce me this way from now on). Or maybe 'this is Caroline. She's luminous and witty'. Doesn't that sound so much better than just a name? Try it.

More hilarity ensued. We re-enforced a cardinal rule of friendship. The rule is that any girl attached in any way to a guy that your friend likes can immediately be dissed. You don't have to know anything about her, you just have to make sure that your friend feels that she's better than her. It's an esteem thing. Example? The guy you like has started spending time with his ex. It doesn't matter who the ex is, why they're spending time together... no matter what, the ex is bitch, is ugly, is stupid. Is everything that your friend isn't. Simple!

Eventually, after catching up with a bunch of great guys that we know, and meeting Freckles' english friend, it was time to call it quits. It wasn't a late night, but it was good fun. Hanging out with the girls, laughing so hard that my sides hurt. Good times. We should do it again soon. More girl time!!