Shakespeare Had The Right Idea

My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips' red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damask'd, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground:
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.
(Sonnet 130)

If you actually read this sonnet and look at what the words are telling you, you'll see that it isn't exactly your regular love poem. Nor was it meant to be. Shakespeare, even though we often think of his as a funny little man in tights with curly hair, had a pretty awesome sense of humour. In a way very similar to how my friends and i mock those who wear high heels to uni as if they were at a fashion show, Shakespeare mocked the soppy love poems written by other bards of his time.

Instead of writting about how his woman was an actual goddess, with eyes that shine like mercury and lips that are bowed like cupids bow, he decided to be a little more realistic. Her lips aren't red enough, her eyes don't shine, she smells dodgy and her voice is nothing to sing about. This woman, whoever she is, is clearly human. And someone loves her, more than any other, and in his mind she's a goddess.

Shakespeare's right on the money.

Is There A Choice To Be Made?

For a few days now i've thought that i've had a choice to make. I put if off because i just wasn't sure which was the best course of action. Today, however, i'm wondering if i ever really had a choice.

two roads diverged in a wood,
and i, i took the one less travelled by
and that has made all the difference

The way i saw it, i was sitting at a halfway point, between two polar opposite worlds. I was feeling a tug from both sides and i didn't know which way to go. Both sides have their advantages, and i know which one i would prefer, without a doubt. But the question that i really have to consider is whether or not the world that i would prefer is the world that's best for me.

One world is a world in which a take two steps backwards. I push everything that bubbles inside me down and lock it away, i shut it out, i don't talk about it and it will be forgotten. Or at least i'll be able to pretend it is forgotten. I'll stop trying to fix everything. And i'll be able to smile and laugh and tease and be happy again, and everyone will love me for being cheery again.

The other world is much darker. It's broken and full of sharp edges and hurt, a barren landscape and i'm the only person that i can see for miles around. I'm the only person i can rely on, the only person i trust, the only person who really gives a damn about myself - and even then, it's dicey. In this world, i'm fairly miserable, but at least i'm not repressing. And at least, in this world, if i think things are getting better, i'm not lying to myself.

I know which world i'd prefer. But that world really isn't healthy. Even if it's outwardly better, and even if it's what everyone around me would prefer. I think that world might be easier. But i also think that if i let myself go into that world that i'll have a mental breakdown at twenty-two and have to spend hundreds and thousands of dollars on therapy. But the alternative is a hard place to be and i don't really want to be there.

Like i said, i'm not sure if i have a choice. I thought i did, because i repressed pretty well over the weeknd and everyone appreciated happy-annabel making an appearance. I wanted to stay there. But tonight, when everything crashed down again and i'm sitting here, tears and mascara streaming down my cheeks in misery, i'm starting to think that i don't really have a choice in the matter. I don't think i can decide which world i'm going to have to live in. I don't think that i can escape that dark world yet, and i definately am not strong enough to do it on my own, so i'm stuck there.

I don't like this. But i don't know how else to do things. I can't do it on my own, but i've got nobody else to do it for me. I can't make the choice, but i feel like i can't just sit back as everything falls apart. It's messy and horrible and makes me sound dreadfully emo. I hate it. But this is my life and i'm stuck here indefinately, unable to make a choice, unable to change things.

cracks
like a spider's webbing
spread
across a blank canvas
trying to break it

reaching
stretching
falling short
can't quite get there
yet

blank
unfeeling
unknowing
like a newborn
unsure of it's place

lost
can't find the right direction
something's missing
like when you only pull a single sock out of a dryer
you know something's not right

flat
keep going
can't stop
keep going
just keep going

Random Poetry with the Irishman

Ok, he does one line, i did the next. Can you pick who went first?

Walk on the Ocean
Walk on the ocean stepping on the stones,
Feet dancing over the rock, toes splashing.
The cold water shivers me to my bones,
So i run faster to try and keep warm.

My feet fleet to the sound of my lovers heart beat,
and i falter, unable to move properly in the face of the raw emotion.
Dashed against the rocks with the waves swooning motion,
pushed under as the tide battles against me, wanting me to fight.
As I fall arms stretch out like an uncompromising light,
almost catching you, almost grabbing hold... but not quite...
and then the waves leaves just me and you - walking on the ocean

Random, hey. But i think it reflected life at the time. Though it's interesting to see how the 'optimistic' lines alternate between the two of us, almost as if we both wanted it to end well, but couldn't quite bring ourselves to have the happy ending... until one of us made it have a happy ending... isn't life funny sometimes?

Annie

I needed him to look after me. Even if he wasn't going to be with me, i needed him to make it better. Even now, i want him to hug me and let me cry against him, and then i want him to say something that's going to make it all better. I hoped that he'd be the person i could trust absolutely, who'd never hurt me and i was disapointed. I liked him and i miss him and i miss that he liked me. I miss feeling like someone liking me for being me was a possibility. There is nothing that you could reveal about yourself that i don't want to know - that's how i felt. That he could tell me anything, that i could tell him anything and that he wouldn't jusge me. I did tell him lots and he didn't judge me. That doesn't happen very often. That's what i miss. That's why i'm still sad on the inside.

silenced.

the world encroaching.

the darkness smothering.

the frosty hands of winter reaching out cold fingers towards my throat.

the bullet hole inside.

the void of emotion.

the abyss where thoughts bounce around the empty space.

the outlets blocked.

the comforts gone.

the safety net riddled with mothholes.

the fragility of the spirit.

the wariness etched onto the face.

the fear tucked inside, ready to swallow you at any moment.

the smile missing.

the laughter forgotten.

the sound of the voice rusty with disuse.

the vessel hollow.

the spirit broken.

the emptiness all consuming, blocking out the thought of anything else.

Awww, isn't he cute?

Look What I Got

Ok, so i was in another sad mood - just for something different. This time, however, someone did something really cute to cheer me up! Totally adorable. Look at this:

To feel great
Is to never hate


To feel fine
Is meant to be sublime


To smile
Even just for a while


Search for friends
To the bitter ends


The things that make us happy
Are the things that make us ………..

Congrats! Now i've got a little grin on my face. Nobody has ever written me a poem before.

Annie