The way i see it, most people have complicated relationships with their mothers. From the inside, they always seem complicated, even if they don't look that way to an outsider.
People often think that there could be nothing better than having a mother like mine. She cooks, she cleans, she buys me clothes, she lets me do whatever i like, she lets me have parties, lets me have boys stay over, cleans up after me, washes my clothes... i'll admit, that when you look at it this way, she does seem fairly fantastic.
I don't deny that she does any of these things. But that doesn't mean that our relationship is all sunshine and daisies. She cleans - but obsessively. My room is fairly spotless, yet my mother considers a pair of jeans hanging over the end of the bed to be incredibly messy. I can't leave anything out without being accused of being a slob. I can do whatever i like when it comes to staying out late, partying, having everyman and his dog over to stay the night - but when it comes to spending most of Easter weekend at CHURCH, which is the WHOLE POINT of Easter, she tries to stop me. She has a host of ridiculous rules that i just can't set aside; only one glass of juice in a day, no pies, no photos on the wall (i broke that one)... we drive each other crazy; we're too similar and too different at the same time.
I don't want to turn into my mother. I know that i probably will. That fact fills me with dread. Sometimes i wish that i could actually talk to my mother, to exchange more than pleasantries with her on a daily basis. She tries to figure out what i think - she has no idea. The other day she asked if she could officially call a guy friend of mine a 'boyfriend', and she'd have no idea why i snapped her head off with an answer in the negative. And her simply asking pissed me off. I don't even know why - i get mad because she doesn't know me, and i feel bad for her because i won't, can't, give her a chance.
Mothers are confusing and hard. I can't believe i want to be one when i grow up. And i also hope that when i grow up, i'll have a real relationship with my mother. But, for now, we'll have to live with this steady truce that we've got going.
3 comments:
Relationships are always complicated. My relationship with my mother has changed over the years. I hope that you do some day find that real relationship with your mother that you're hoping for.
I definitely get along better with my mom now, it was a lot harder when I lived at home.
I too hope that you find a great relationship with you mom. I think you will.
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