Family Time

Tomorrow's The Day

Funeral? D-Day minus one.

Our relatively small family has been flying in all today and will be continuing to do so until tomorrow. Our family is strange in that we never really connect. To have everyone in one place is exceedinly bizzare.

This afternoon, mum decided i should read something at the funeral. She wanted me to pick a bible verse, to add the only touch of religion to the progamme. She wanted me to pick something because 'i know more about that "stuff" that the rest of the family' - and my uncle Ian piped up that he'd been *this* close to becoming a minister. Nobody else knew that! While it got me out of picking a verse, it just shows how little we know about the rest of the family.

My mother should know that i don't like reading in public, infront of people i know. She's my mother. It is her job to know that. It is her job to look at me in my new bikini and convince me that it looks ok - telling me that 'i look nice' will not combat my fears of looking (dare i say the dreaded word) fat. She should know that i have skipped out on numerous girls catch ups because i couldn't face them and that i was late home last night not because i was out having fun but because i had called a friend in tears and begged for refuge, a visit and comfort. She should know that i avoid family occassions not because i hate the family but because they make me almost unbelievably, un-mangageably uncomfortable. But she doesn't, because our family knows nothing about each other.

A friend of dad's rang tonight. My brother, mother and i were in the kitchen together. Suddenly, we heard dad guffaw with laughter - and we all froze. We looked at each other strangely - we couldn't remember hearing dad laugh like that. Is it normal to be dumbstruck when you hear your dad laugh? I know that whenever i say something sarcastic and dad smiles, i feel proud that i made him laugh. Not normal.

Funeral's don't bring out the best in any family. But our emotionally-estranged relatives lead to a tense, exhaustive day ahead tomorrow. And as if that weren't enough to worry about, i now have to do a reading. Great...

Annie