Looking Back

What Once Was Is No More

Occasionally, i look back over my blog. I re-read things that i wrote over the past year and a half. At the beginning, i wrote more about issues in life; about the problems in teenage society, about peer pressure, about problems. Now, i tend to write more of a 'this is what's happening in my world' blog. I don't know if that's a bad thing. It's just something that i've noticed.

I look back and i remember how stressed i was before my year twelve exams... and how completely chilled i am about my end of year uni exams - considering i've barely studied, i think i'm doing very well.

I look back and i know that i was so much more uptight last year. I didn't drink. I didn't dance. I didn't wear anything other than jeans. I didn't cry. I didn't talk about 'unmentionables' with anyone - and i often still don't. But in many ways, i can see that i was much free-er last year. I laughed hysterically more. I liked people without worrying about repercussions. I trusted people and i was more 'myself' - whatever that is or was.

I think i used to be a lot more optimistic. And i've noticed that i really need other people around. I think that's why i'm going away at the end of the year - i'm simply going to force myself to be on my own for awhile. Hopefully that will work. I can see by reading back that i go from high to low pretty damn quickly. And i can see that i know when i do it. It's really interesting, reading back. It's like a glimpse into the past. Interesting.

It's interesting to see how i've changed. I don't know yet whether it's for the better or for the worse, but i guess i'll be able to look back in a few years and see.

Annie