Advice...

Insecure

I always thought that the females were the insecure ones, especially when it comes to relationships. Yes, i've heard the rumours that there are guys out there who also have confidence issues, but i've always been slightly suss. However, the last few days have put me in my place.

A friend of mine has been plaguing me (not in a bad way) for advice about how to hit on a friend of mine, desparately seeking advice and asking what she thinks of him. My advice was just to go for it and to see what would happen. His response? He doesn't know how to hit on people. Now, i find this hard to believe. Guys seem to have an inbuilt mechanism for flirting. Maybe they just don't always know where to find the on-switch. Anyway, i've seen this guy in 'action' before and know that he can flirt so i was confused as to where the problem lay.

Then came the apparently inevitable 'my love life sucks, i've never had a girlfriend, there's something wrong with me' messages. Now, i should stop you here and say that, on more than one occasion, i have sent the exact same thing (well, replace 'girlfriend' with 'boyfriend) in a text message. As of yet, my fears haven't been allayed. I've no idea how to remedy that particuar situation. Yet, i seem to still be the one that people come to for advice. Apparently i'm a pro at handling other people's love lives, even if mine is a shambles! This case is no exception.

I replied with the usual 'don't be ridiculous, you just haven't found the right girl, there's nothing wrong with you, blah blah blah' message. When asked 'how to flirt' i tried to explain that it was something that you couldn't push. Just talk to the girl. Make jokes, touch her on the arm or on the back, make jokes, smile, spend time with her, compliment her. The basics. Fairly simple stuff. I figured that they were fairly simple instructions that could relieve him of his fears. Well, i was wrong.

I was met with 'i can't do it! i hit on you and you didn't notice and you hated me!'. What an awkward position. I had to reassure him that i didn't hate him - because i didn't! Then i had to explain why it was that i didn't respond in kind. I DID notice he was hitting on me, but wasn't interested in pursuing that at the time. Which is fair enough. But apparently the boy has no confidence and i shook what little of what was there. So, i have assumed the position of confidence booster.

Guys out there who think they're hopeless? Can't hit on people? Are 'loosers'? NO! Confidence is the key. If you're a nice (and by 'nice' i do not mean 'sleazy') guy, most girls will give you a chance. That said, you do have to realise that if we don't take the bait it doesn't mean that we hate you. You can't date just anyone. There has to be a spark! But it doesn't mean don't try!! Any girl worth your time won't shut you down rudely. If she does, she wasn't worth your time in the first place. Just give it a try. If you don't, you'll never succeed. Sounds corny? Yea, ok, but it's still true.

And don't forget, no matter how insecure you are, the girl is most often just as insecure, if not more so! She'll be as stressed as you, so don't feel intimidated.

Just Ask Annie

(everyone else does :P)