Guilt

I had a 21st this afternoon, and i didn't go. In itself, that's not such a big deal. However, the girl whose birthday it was was one of my best friends when i was in school. Since we graduated, granted, she's not exactly been the most steadfast friend... but still, there's an allegiance there. I was working 12-4pm today, and the party ended at 6pm, so i was always going to be late, but by the time i got home i was tired and the thought of getting dressed up, socialising and trying to believe that people weren't looking at me and thinking that i was fat - it all just seemed way too hard and unenjoyable.

Obviously, this means that i'm a terrible friend and a bad person in general. I'm suffering guilt. But i'm still tired, and have piles of work to do, so i think i did the right thing. I'm definitely not as miserable as i would have been if i'd gone to the party and come home feeling like an elephant.

I don't know, in the frame of mind that i'm in at the moment, most all socialising seems too hard. The exceptions to this are Boyfriend, Loz (she's like a sister, life is pretty easy with her) and some casual, no pressure church gatherings, with Zaz and Joshie. Joshie and i always get along well, and for the most part (unless we're discussing work) Zaz and i do too. Other than that, i don't really like people at the moment...

It's 21st season, so my inability to socialise is doing me no favours. I wonder if people notice my absence? I promise i'll try harder to go to the next one...