1. I can count the amount of times i've laughed properly in the last fortnight on one hand. Want to know about those times? One was last friday afternoon, when i was just being silly and laughing with an old friend like i didn't have a care in the world - it was the best feeling. Once, was last monday when El and i went shopping and were cackling about our bizzare obsession with the Twilight books. Another one was last night, when i was laughing with a mate while we watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall, because he was being silly. And one was tonight, when i did something silly at church that was worth crying with laughter about. Why do i remember all of these times? It's because i do it so rarely that it's worth noting. I used to cry with laughter all the time, and have to restrain myself from breaking into hysterical fits of giggles... i wish i could still do that, but i don't really remember how to find everything so hilarious.
2. I can't trust anyone. Anyone at all. Which makes it difficult, because there are a few people that tell me to trust them, tell me to talk to them about the things that bother me. I can't do it. I just can't. Because i don't believe that, if i tell them anything, they won't a) look at me differently, b) tell people or c) listen, then never mention it again and just leave it hanging between us. Plus, last time i told someone, they disapeared, and i'm NEVER letting that happen again. My inability to trust is apparently a problem, because someone cares about me so much that they hurt when i hurt, and they can't figure out what's wrong. I don't want to hurt people!
3. Mum and Dad have been overseas for the last three weeks, and my Nanna has been staying with us (to look after my brother, not me!). For some reason, the absence of my parents has led me to be a little slack. Instead of monitoring everything that went into my mouth, and not just letting myself eat when i'm hungry, i snacked and ate full meals. Now, i'm chubbier again. Damn, damn, DAMN. Not happy Jan. Time to get tough again...
4. I'm reading the fantabulous Twilight series by Stephanie Myers. I've been reading almost obsessively since Monday... at least, i was... until i read the end of the third book. Where someone's heart was broken. A character i'd come to love, who's feelings i was so closely linked to (due to my annoying tendancy to become far to involved with fictional characters from books or movies) that i cried for three hours. Not just a tear or who, but actual hysterical tears. I finally brought myself to start the fourth book... but i'm scared to throw myself into it, just incase it gets really sad again! I have to try and finish it before Tuesday, so El and i can dissect it completely... but i'm very, very scared about how it's going to end up! Fingers crossed that all will be well.
2. I can't trust anyone. Anyone at all. Which makes it difficult, because there are a few people that tell me to trust them, tell me to talk to them about the things that bother me. I can't do it. I just can't. Because i don't believe that, if i tell them anything, they won't a) look at me differently, b) tell people or c) listen, then never mention it again and just leave it hanging between us. Plus, last time i told someone, they disapeared, and i'm NEVER letting that happen again. My inability to trust is apparently a problem, because someone cares about me so much that they hurt when i hurt, and they can't figure out what's wrong. I don't want to hurt people!
3. Mum and Dad have been overseas for the last three weeks, and my Nanna has been staying with us (to look after my brother, not me!). For some reason, the absence of my parents has led me to be a little slack. Instead of monitoring everything that went into my mouth, and not just letting myself eat when i'm hungry, i snacked and ate full meals. Now, i'm chubbier again. Damn, damn, DAMN. Not happy Jan. Time to get tough again...
4. I'm reading the fantabulous Twilight series by Stephanie Myers. I've been reading almost obsessively since Monday... at least, i was... until i read the end of the third book. Where someone's heart was broken. A character i'd come to love, who's feelings i was so closely linked to (due to my annoying tendancy to become far to involved with fictional characters from books or movies) that i cried for three hours. Not just a tear or who, but actual hysterical tears. I finally brought myself to start the fourth book... but i'm scared to throw myself into it, just incase it gets really sad again! I have to try and finish it before Tuesday, so El and i can dissect it completely... but i'm very, very scared about how it's going to end up! Fingers crossed that all will be well.
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