Work, generally my happy place, was today a far more stressful place than it should have been. On the one hand, there were many, many adorable babies with whom to share morning tea. On the other hand, my old insecurities came flooding back.
While i've coasted along quite nicely for the last few weeks, doing my jobs with relative ease, this week wasn't so easy. All of a sudden, i seemed to remember what i really thought - that i'm really not qualified for my job. See, i know the basics of what's needed but i have neither the confidence in my abilities or the gaull to carry out the decisions that i need to make. I trust none of my judgement and don't want to do anything without running it past my boss, in case i get it wrong. When i'm in these moods, i spend my afternoons being panicky and stressed, flitting from project to project to project, rapidly finishing things and moving on. Sure, i get things done, but it's hard not to crack (like i very nearly did today) and just yell 'i don't know what i'm doing! please, remember that i'm really just a kid!'...
Ok, so i know i'm 19 now and i'm not technically a child. But i'm hardly an adult. Maybe i'm a child trapped in an adults body? Because i have the feelings of a child and the responsibilities of an adult. The pressure is getting to me... better still, kids club is in les than three weeks - and i've still got so much to do! Stress, stress, stress! The exam pressure isn't helping much either...
I'm going to breathe deeply and cross my fingers that i can manage it all. *Breeeeeeeathe*
While i've coasted along quite nicely for the last few weeks, doing my jobs with relative ease, this week wasn't so easy. All of a sudden, i seemed to remember what i really thought - that i'm really not qualified for my job. See, i know the basics of what's needed but i have neither the confidence in my abilities or the gaull to carry out the decisions that i need to make. I trust none of my judgement and don't want to do anything without running it past my boss, in case i get it wrong. When i'm in these moods, i spend my afternoons being panicky and stressed, flitting from project to project to project, rapidly finishing things and moving on. Sure, i get things done, but it's hard not to crack (like i very nearly did today) and just yell 'i don't know what i'm doing! please, remember that i'm really just a kid!'...
Ok, so i know i'm 19 now and i'm not technically a child. But i'm hardly an adult. Maybe i'm a child trapped in an adults body? Because i have the feelings of a child and the responsibilities of an adult. The pressure is getting to me... better still, kids club is in les than three weeks - and i've still got so much to do! Stress, stress, stress! The exam pressure isn't helping much either...
I'm going to breathe deeply and cross my fingers that i can manage it all. *Breeeeeeeathe*
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