What Not To Say

Helpful Hints

There are certain things that a guy just should be born with an innate knowledge about. Unfortunately, genetics hasn't quite made that much progress. So, until the next big evoluntionaty leap, it's up to us poor harassed females to keep trying to teach those old dogs new tricks.

The first thing a guy needs to know? Certain questions have automatic answers.

Q: Do i look fat in this?

A: No!

Q: Does this outfit make my bum look big?

A: No.

Q: Is she prettier than me?

A: NO!

These sorts of questions arise everyday. Guys will make a much better impression if we don't need to TELL them the right answers to give!

I'll use last night as an example. When i was informed that coffee sped up your metabolism, i decided that i'd have to force my taste buds to adjust - from intense dislike to addiction. SaviourDave did a good job; his automatic response was 'you're perfect the way you are'. Very good. He got two thumbs up and a cuddle for that. BUT he lost all brownie points and plummeted back below zero just a few minutes later. First, when he was handing round biscuits and i took one, he says 'you don't need that' - baaaaad move. Especially after i've been working for nine hours and am in no mood to tolerate. As if that weren't bad enough, he follows it up with the story of when i got my car locked in the U-Park and he laughed. Apparently it's still the funniest thing in the world... For his final act, he regales the entire kitchen with an exclusive expose on just why he'll never measure up to the last crush i had. Joyful. As if the entire church didn't already know enough about my pathetic love life (or lack thereof). It wasn't his night as far as raking in the brownie points went.

I'm sure all of you females out there can pinpoint exactly where he went wrong. Guys out there may not have quite the same luck. Why is it that guys are just so darn clueless? Really. Apparently they worship their mothers - they should've picked something up from them, wouldn't you think?

Guys don't understand women. That's a given. We don't even expect it anymore. And it's all just so confusing. Guys don't know what they want. Girls don't know what they want. That isn't the best starting point. But there are a few ground rules that a guy can't get wrong. I checked with the girls - these are the consensus points.

* DON'T get too clingy

* DO send cute messages to say that you're thinking of them, even if you just saw them (i realise they conflict, but that's just how it is)

* DON'T come on too strong - even if the girl is

* DO have a sensitive side

* DON'T show that sensitive side too often :P We're not dating a girl...

* DO give us lots of hugs and kisses

* DON'T rush into having a hair cut!

* DO drive us aroung all the time

* DON'T be mean to a girl alllllll the time - she'll think you don't like her!

Those barely break the ice boys. There's waaaay much more to learn. But i think that's a decent start. If you've got those down and you actually manage to get a girl? Well, she'll teach you the rest. Good luck!

Annie