Mistake

Emotions Get The Better Of Me

I'm an emotional person. And when something angers/upsets/excites me, i tend to feel it pretty strongly. However, i also tend to discuss these things. For example, if i have a problem, i tend to talk about it, or at least want to. But i do this thing where i start talking really fast, usually explaining that i've got something awkward to say and that i talk a lot when i'm nervous, before i slip in the awkward part, then i keep talking for a little bit. Eventually, i take a breath... and wait for the inevitable strange look. Most memorable time i did that i was greeted with silence. More recent time i was greeted with a 'that's fine, never feel awkward about talking to me', which was nice.

Tonight? I did it again. And this time didn't really go so well. I was angry and upset. Not a good combination. Near tears, i greeted an inquiry about whether i was ok with a snappy 'you don't care, so don't ask'. Obviously i wasn't really ok - way too much on my mind. Unfortunately, i was snapped back at. Which led to me yelling about something the person had done that upset me yesterday. They got defensive, i got angrier. The snarky comments flew back and forth for a moment. Unfortunately in a room where my voice, growing steadily more shrill, echoed. Yuk. But then i left, blowing off my ride, ignoring him and leaving. Oops. I felt terrible. I hate fighting. I hate fighting even more when it's like this. I walked home in the dark. It was pathetic. I couldn't help myself, i was absolutely bawling. I was glad it was dark - i must've looked ridiculous. I leant against a wall, sobbing, trying to stop so that i could look normal when i came through the front door and had to face my mother - luckily, she didn't even notice, so all was well.

Now, sitting here and avoiding homework, i feel awful. Not only did i get angry at a friend, but a friend got angry at me. While i did feel that i was justified in having something to be angry about, talking about it rationally would've been much more help. Instead of flying off the handle. It would make things so much more easier if i'd just thought before i opened my big mouth. Now i've got about a week to make things better - which is difficult to do with someone that seems to be avoiding you... How do i get myself into these things? Maybe i should just sew my mouth closed...

Annie