Now & Then...
It occured to me just now that i've changed an awful lot over the year. I just heard myself say that i 'almost wish i was going to the Blue & White'! If you know me, you'd know that the Annabel from the beginning of the year would never have been caught dead saying that she wanted to go to the Saints formal. Actually, i think i remember saying i didn't want to go about two months ago! So it made me think about all of the things about me that have changed and i realised that i'm pretty much a completely different person in a lot of ways.
At the beginning of the year, i spent every day in jeans, a polo, sneakers and a rugby jumper. Pretty much my uniform. Until i got into school uniform, which i wore with care, ribbons and all. Now, no way. Yes, i still wear jeans everywhere :P but boots or flats trade off with the sneakers regularly and i tend to dress up nicely way more often. More to the point, i don't quite feel like such a moron when i try to look nice as i used to (that's not saying i DON'T look stupid, just that it doesn't feel so much like it :P) As for the school uniform, i actually have been seen with my top button UNDONE, my sleeves ROLLED UP, a headband in and my shoes scuffed. Whoa. Major rebellion there!
I got all of my hair chopped off at the beginning of the year and, as it grew back (and certain guys stopped telling me that i looked like a boy), i dyed it dark brown and figured out how to curl it or whatever - not that i can usually be bothered, but still! Last year, there's no way i would've dyed my hair and if you'd told me that i would spend a few hours trying to make the curly disaster that is known as my hair look respectable, i would have laughed in your face. I even wear mascara when i go out nowadays! Geez. I've practically turned plastic!
Add to this the fact that i find myself almost wanting to be at the Blue & White tomorrow night, instead of spending the evening at a church, watching a band (even if they are good). And i hear myself saying that i would like to have our formal again - which is true, because i think that i'd do lots differently; i wouldn't wear that dress for starters! (In my opinion, i looked pretty ick) My hair was cool though, i still think that. And i think that the after-party would've turned out differently if i'd been the now-me. Not necessarily better! But different.
These days, despite apparent popular belief, it's not uncommon for me to go out on the weekend and spend my time in the company of fairly respectable males. I have them over. I've stayed at their places. We drink. We laugh. We go to the pub. We stay up all night huddled over a braisier and shredding pizza boxes for fuel. Whatever. I even had a party! (And some strange garage-thing... :P) Now - can you see me doing that last year?!? I don't think so! Not only did i know exactly zero males, but the thought of telling my mother that i was going somewhere with them or that they were coming round put me right off. Now, i don't necessarily tell mother... however, i am apparently much more comfortable about avoiding the truth than i used to be.
On the topic of guys, my tastes have changed too - no more blondes for me (a certain sexy-lexy comes to mind...) and i'm definately more realistic! I've stopped thinking that the guy is reform-able, i'm perfectly able to see that the guy is a moron if that is the case :P A worthwhile skill to have learnt! These days, in the presence of guys, while still shy-er than with all of you chickies, i have actually been seen to go near them :P Apparently i flirt with them too... but i'm not 100% convinced about that! (You want proof of my improving interactions with the males? Think of a certain moving-house party involving a sombrero and a not-so-subtle plan. Or maybe a certain party with a particular coach?)
You know, it's strange. I'm more comfortable with guys than i used to be. But, on the whole, i'm far more shy that i used to be, believe it or not. These days, i hardly ever speak up in a group that i'm not totally comfy around. Performing, talking, singing or demonstrating something infront of anyone freaks the hell out of me these days. I hate talking to new people of being left with strangers. This isn't to say that i CAN'T do any of these things. It's just that, if you could hear my heart, you'd know just how freaked it got me. Who knows why. Yes, i know it is silly. And it's surprising who i'm least shy around too. Lots of you girls of course, but also a few other people from outside school. And who am i most shy around? A few of the girls :P and my family. Or strangers! At the beginning of the year, i don't think i was quite like that.
I'm much more independant nowadays. Probably to do with having my own car and managing my own finances; i've had to learn to budget and whatnot. I can pretty much manage things on my own. (Mum still does the washing though!) And, while i'm still the organised neat-freak i always was, i'm never on time anymore. I'm late to school almost everyday! And when i pick people up, they pretty much expect me to be running late. It's terrible! But i'll live.
Which leads to another thing - i'm not so fussed about being the good little girl i used to be. No more being agreable with the 'rents (in fact, it's pretty much WW3 round here) and being their reliable, trustworthy, truthful girl. But i'm not sure that they know that i'm not... I'll drink if i'm offered anything, i'll stay out all night, i'll sleep over at a guy's place and tell mum i'm with one of you girlies, i talk back to teachers, skip class (only the non-important parts!), don't do homework, wag frees, steal library books and film assembly (we did well girls! nobody knew! :P), whatever it is, i'm up for it. If there's a problem, i'll walk up to someone and tell it to them straight - i don't reccomend this though! Never ends well. School takes a back seat half the time, because i just can't see the point! Definately strange, considering the straight-laced, hard-working, consiencious, goody-goody that i used to be, who toed the line 24/7 (again, not saying i've turned into a rebellious goth or anything here, but a definate contrast to the older me...).
I've also stopped being a push-over and so laid back. If people piss me off, i'll tell them about it. I cbf being treated like a door-mat, so, if someone's being a moron, i just leave them. No more spending weeks trying to fix any problem. I'm too tired! I've even become a bit of a bitch - not a good thing - and i'm kinda uptight, i guess... but it makes life more interesting, that's for sure.
One thing's still the same though - i still have more than my share of embarassing moments! Lol, lucky me.
Well, this has been a strange little post. Rather reflective or whatever.
Now, off to finish (and start) my history special study for tomorrow...
Annie
(oh, yea, i call myself that nowadays too)
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