Things I Want You To Know...

(Now, these things have no connections, just so you know...)

1. Being Unable To Open A Car Door...

Ok. When you're faced with the task of opening a car door - that isn't your own by the way - when it's dark, wet, your hands are full and you're being yelled at from behind, you're going to have trouble. Add to that the fact that you are, in fact, holding a ring of keys which DOESN'T INCLUDE the car key, then you're going to do even worse. So, when you do eventuall get the car keys, i advise you to abstain from throwing them at the guy who is standing there laughing at your inability to open the door and telling people of her tantrum the day before whilst driving. It will not get you anywhere. As it is, people are saying 'wow! she's getting feisty!'. No duh. So take the hint and STOP LAUGHING. It won't help. Hmph.

2. Why Guys With Instruments Are Just So Much More Attractive...

Well, i must say that i don't actually know the answer to this... however i think it may have something to do with our childhood. Do you remember that Barbie and Ken were always better when they were 'Disco Barbie' or 'Surfer Ken'? You know, when they came with a prop of some kind? Well, my logic is that an instrument makes a guy look better in just the same way. Or maybe it's just because the music sounds good or it proves their co-ordination or something. I don't really know. Any ideas?

3. Why We Hurt Our Feet With New Shoes...

Although this stereotypically applies to the female species, i guess it works for the guys too. It's very simple and shouldn't cause the trouble it does. We hurt our feet to make them look nice - nice shoes = pain. A simple equation. Even i do it nowadays. However, i still like barefoot, much more comfy.

4. What The Hell Is 'Enthusiastically Pursued'?...

Well, it's pretty much what it sounds like - but it is so much nicer than words like 'followed', 'stalked', 'annoyed', 'bugged', 'adored', 'obssesed over'... etc. You get my point. For example; 'I enthusiastically pusued him home' or 'i enthusiastically pursued this one fantastic guy for years'. Make sense? Just thought i'd clue you in, cos it's going to come up often :P

5. The Art Of Fitting A Zillion People On A Mattress...

Ok. Now this definately is an art, trust me. On a double mattress, i've learned that having one person lie lengthways across where the pillows usually are and having two people lie in the usual direction with their heads at the bottom and their feet across the backs of the first person (does that make sense?) is very comfy. When you try to lie three across, it just gets squishy. However, when you've got a single mattress, you're going to be smushed either way. So the fun way to work with that is just to pile people as high as you can, preferably with a wall on one side to stop toppling over.

6. Dangers Of The Slippery Sleeping Bag...

As we all know, sleeping bags are usuful things (who remembers that song 'what would we do if we didn't have bags to put a lot of things in...' that used to be on 'Play School'?). They are great for all sleeping bag wars and bean competitions - but they can also be dangerous little buggers. Take, for example, the act of jumping onto a bed while wrapped up tight in a hot pink sleeping bag. You are more likely than not to go sliding over the bed and whacking yourself on the headboard before sliding, dazed, onto the floor, earning the term 'slippery cucumber'. So be warned!

7. The Inability To Keep Clothes Clean...

Now, i have decided that this is a talent, rather than a fault and i thought that i should tell you so. You see, i think it is rather special to be able to dirty every single item of clothing that you are wearing in less than an hour... eg; by spilling the sausage from a pig-in-a-blanket alllll down your last remaining clean jumper and it having been the first think that you've eaten all day. So, there it is. A TALENT. TALENT!!!

Ok, that's all you need to know from me tonight!! Be warned and wise...

Annie