INVESTIGATION: Love

LOVE IS...

A few of us were thinking the other day... how can you tell when you're actually 'in love' with someone, as opposed to just having a huge crush on them, or maybe adoring and worshiping their every move. Obviously, there's a difference, but where is it? When does a crush become more than that?

Well, we asked around and didn't come up with anything too definate unfortunately... but we did have a few half ideas...

First of all, a crush is a completely different thing to being in love with someone. To me, a 'teenage crush' implies something silly, stupid, fleeting and giggly. You could have a crush on a teacher maybe, or on some guy you met at the park one day. Crushes come and go, often they're based on what a person comes accross as the first few times you see them. Now, i'm not saying this is definately how things are!! Just an idea.

Love, on the other hand, must surely be something more than this, don't you think? As in, on top of feeling weak at the knees when they're around and wanting them to like you more than anything, you want to be with them all the time. You're happy when they're happy - even if that's with some new girlfriend, who isn't you. Being friends with them is better than nothing, seeing him once a week or for five minutes one afternoon will make you smile for hours, the more you get to know him, the more you like about him. You like him not despite his faults but because of them; he can annoy the hell out of you but you wouldn't trade his stupid habits for anything in the world. You want to know everything they say - just because you don't want to miss anything about him. There's nothing better than being wrapped up in his arms, kissed on the forehead and being told that everything is going to be ok. Are you with me? This kind of thing is (or might me, i don't know for sure here) what makes loving someone different from liking someone.

i guess it's something to do with thinking that your life will be worse without them, not thinking 'sure, i like them, but i can cope just as well without them'. To you, this person would be like food or drink - totally necessary. You probably all know the quote; 'love is not being with someone you want to live with, it's about being with someone you can't live without'.

You've probably all read the email about what 4-8-yr olds think that love is. These littluns seem to have it sussed, maybe because they're showered with love from all sides, all of it genuine. Maybe it has something to do with the way a child can always tell when you're lying. Who knows. But they seem to know what's going on...

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." Rebecca- age 8

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."

Billy - age 4

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."

Chrissy - age 6

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."

Terri - age 4

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."

Danny - age 7

"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more."

Emily - age 8

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen." Bobby - age 7

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."

Noelle - age 7

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."

Tommy - age 6

"My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."

Clare - age 6

"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."

Elaine-age 5

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Brad Pitt."

Chris - age 7

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."

Mary Ann - age 4

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."

Jessica - age 8

...Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbour was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbour, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry"

When you see yourself doing and thinking all of these things unconditionally, even if the person you do them for doesn't do them back, i think that's love. When you see them around, or you get suprised by them, an email, a txt, a visit, something you don't expect, the feeling you get freaks you out; you catch yourself doing a mental check - "am i still alive? Is my heart still beating? i dont know whether i'm still me or whether i've been transmutated into something completely else..."

When you get like this, you know you're in trouble. No, you're not obsessed or strange. Loving someone isn't something that you should be ashamed of. Never let yourself think otherwise. If people did, then the world would fall apart. So, love unconditionally.

Hopefull, this makes some sense on how you can tell if you're in love or not girls! But i'm totally open to ideas here, cos i really have no clue...

Love!

Annie

xx