Mystery of the Common Male

Venture into the Unknown...

It's kind of strange to think that this whole other species, so similar to us in so many ways, can be such a gigantic source of mystery. Yep, it's the age old Male-Female question; how can two things so similar be so unfamiliar at the same time? I don't think there will ever be an answer really, but hey, i can try, can't i?

Girls, i can say, with 100% confidence, that, at one time or another in your life so far, you have questioned God's reasoning when it comes to the existence of males. I mean, we're so obviously the superior sex, it's difficult to see the point of these beings. But hey, you have to do a practice run before you make the real-deal. As for you guys, i know you're confounded by us females... well, most of the time. But that's ok. It's just that we think at a level so above yours that your bound to get confused! :P Having said that though, being the obvious superior sex, it's hard to understand why we can't figure out why guys do the things they do.

However, while they may do the wrong thing... well, most of the time (sorry to be harsh guys), do they actually mean any harm? I'm thinking not. Most of them - and there are exceptions of course - are nice enough. Completely oblivious, but nice. So the thoughtless actions and comments that seem so frequent and the occasions where you just think 'what the hell is wrong with this guy, does he have no idea?!?' are probably always going to happen. You're not really far off track; he, most often, probably does have no idea!!

So, what can we do about it? Unfortunately, veeeeery little. Just subtly try to teach them about the finer points of the female mind in hopes that one day they'll be cluey enough to go a whole 24hrs without doing something that results in offending you... Ah well, i guess that's the price we have to pay for being the best :P Good luck girls! May the art of patience be with you...

Now, for you guys out there who read this and are now indignantly about to write me a comment telling me to jump into a lake and that your the most sensitive-new-age-guy around, stop right there. Unless you are actually perfect (and i'll need written references from at least five girls - not including your mum - before i believe that you are), then you will have offended a girl at least once in the past. I'll bet you've definately offended more than one. I'm not trying to offend (although i can see how you may think otherwise) but trust me, from a GIRL'S PERSPECTIVE, i can almost guarantee it. So just keep reading for a sec and i'll give you some hints to understanding the 'mystery' that is the female mind...

1) The art of the text message...

Boys, when you get a message full of flirty jokes or a whole line of xoxoxo at the end - or even just a random text one day - from a girl that you know, REPLY TO IT. If you don't, chances are that you're going to leave her wondering if you're mad at her/think she's stupid/think she's immature/don't like her/etc... Please. Save the girl the worry and write back NICELY. Yeah, it's 25 cents you'll never see again, but it's worth it if it keeps an offended chick off your back!

2) Benefits of paying attention

I know it's hard for all of you but TRY to notice when a girl gets her hair cut/dyed or is looking extra nice or if she's got exams this week or she's gone for a job interview... whatever. Notice it, then COMMENT ON IT. Tell her she looks nice (even if she doesn't), ask her how the interview went, wish her luck for the exam. And for Pete's sake, DO NOT TELL THE GIRL THAT HER NEW HAIRCUT HAS MADE HER LOOK LIKE A GUY!!! EVEN IF IS DOES, SHE DOESN'T WANT TO KNOW!!! Trust me, you'll score major brownie points for following these simple guidelines and you'll end up with a smitten girl or two. See? Works for both of you. Try it!

3) The well-placed compliment

Ok. Girls love compliments from guys. So, next time you're at a party/movie/someone's house with one of your female friends, TELL HER SHE LOOKS NICE. If you can manage it, substitute the word 'nice' for words like 'pretty', 'cute', 'gorgeous', 'hot', etc, each time you do the compliment thing, so that she doesn't realise you're just complimenting for the sake of it. Not only will you make her feel oh-so-special, but you'll definately score the good-guy points.

4) Affections...

If you're one of those affectionate guys, all huggy and such, and you do it well (now, i don't know if you know when you're good with the hugs... but if a girl tells you that you are, remember and then work with this...) then DO IT LOTS! Lol, this is a kinda selfish one, cos nothing beats a good hug :P

5) Warning!

Ok, a word of warning; i'm not saying 'don't', i'm just going to warn you; hooking-up with a friend of your chick-mate can be tricky (especially is she secretly loves you and you're just too slow to figure it out). So, just tread carefully, cos even if you don't know you're doing it, you might be hurting your friends feelings. Same goes for one-off hook-ups with chick-mates; even if you don't know it, the girl might want more... not that that means, don't try it, just be careful, cos we're nice people but totally over-emotional, so we're likely to get upset over very little!

6) Patience

Don't yell at us/get annoyed at us/stop spending time with us if we completely over-analyse/bitch for hours/obsess over guys/freak about how we look/worry about what we eat, etc in your company. We're sorry. We jsut can't help it. Really, you should feel honoured that we feel comfy enough around you to talk bout that stuff! So don't get mad! Just put up with it, try to be helpful and in return we'll let you talk about card, footy and how big those girl's boobs are. Ok?

7) Flippancy

Ok, the whole oversensitive female thing means that we'll often freak out over little comments that you make off-hand, meaning nothing by them, that manage to make us thing that we're loosers. Lol, not much you can do about is, as it's mainly the fault of our compulsive over-analysing, but just keep an eye out, ok?

Lol, i think that will do for the man-improvements for now. See what you can do boys. I swear, work on these things and the chicks will fall over you (see? It works for you as well as us!) Good luck!!!

Annie