Usually, my week is steady. Stable. I go to uni/work and i come home again. I attempt to study, and i spend lots of time on the internet. I go to the gym, i work at stateswim, i go to church on a sunday and i have youth group once a week. I have lunch with the SouthAfrican on a wednesday, i go to bed around midnight every night. It's the same old thing, week in and week out. Nothing much changes. The static routine leads to a static mood. I'm neither happy, nor sad, i just plod along feeling reasonably numb.
Occasionally, there'll be a variation. An extra coffee date, a night out, a meeting, some form of disaster or miserable event... My mood will change accordingly. Either i'll be happy for awhile, and by the morning be numb again, or i'll be miserable when i go to bed and wake up slightly a more miserable shade of numb.
Recently, something's come along that's pulled me out of the numbness. At times, it sends me into a spiral of misery. Obviously, that sucks. But sometimes, it makes me happy. And i looove to be happy. So is it worth the misery for the happiness?
Sometimes, i wish that i'd never found this thing that makes me happy... before i had it, my weeks were numb and monotonous, but that's just how they were. Now that i have that happy thing, i know what i'm missing when it's not around. Which is most of the time. So, now i spend my week in monotony, desperate for that thing that i don't have, because i know what i'm missing. I like being happy. I'd like to be happy all of the time. But this thing that i've found, the only thing that seems to give me some semblance of prolonged happiness, comes and goes and i'm not exactly sure what to do about that.
Occasionally, there'll be a variation. An extra coffee date, a night out, a meeting, some form of disaster or miserable event... My mood will change accordingly. Either i'll be happy for awhile, and by the morning be numb again, or i'll be miserable when i go to bed and wake up slightly a more miserable shade of numb.
Recently, something's come along that's pulled me out of the numbness. At times, it sends me into a spiral of misery. Obviously, that sucks. But sometimes, it makes me happy. And i looove to be happy. So is it worth the misery for the happiness?
Sometimes, i wish that i'd never found this thing that makes me happy... before i had it, my weeks were numb and monotonous, but that's just how they were. Now that i have that happy thing, i know what i'm missing when it's not around. Which is most of the time. So, now i spend my week in monotony, desperate for that thing that i don't have, because i know what i'm missing. I like being happy. I'd like to be happy all of the time. But this thing that i've found, the only thing that seems to give me some semblance of prolonged happiness, comes and goes and i'm not exactly sure what to do about that.
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