Well, i did some research today, and went to the stupid doctors, and slept. Basically achieved nothing, so i'm hoping for a productive night (though i doubt that'll happen, because, let's face it, i suck). It's like i'm walking through a world of jelly, pushing against the resistance of it, all the time. It's just easier to stay still.
For some reason, i can't find my inner Mr. Happy. I can name a few things that will make me smile during the week, but they come so far apart that they're overshadowed by everything else. I know i sound emo (i really should start working the black clothes, black hair and heavy eyeliner - though i can imagine the reaction that would garner from everyone)... unfortunately, that's just how it is. And the blog gets the emo, because the rest of the world prefers to close their eyes to the problems of others. Which is fair enough, because everyone has their own thing to deal with. You know what i mean - you ask 'how are you', and the only answer you really want to hear is some variation of 'fine thanks', nothing more explicit than that.
In the midst of my gloom and jelly, i've been waxing philosophical about this and that. Random sample: can you really love someone if you don't want to be there for them, even if it's hard for you? and is commitment to someone you love meant to be a difficult decision? Surely if you love someone you just want to be with them all the time and that's what matters. And why is it exactly that God sits up there watching us all and piling misery onto us and not doing anything about it, even when we ask him? That just seems kind of mean... is it to teach a lesson? or because he really doesn't step in to change things at all? GAH, the problem with philosophy lies in the fact that there are no answers. I hate not having answers.
For some reason, i can't find my inner Mr. Happy. I can name a few things that will make me smile during the week, but they come so far apart that they're overshadowed by everything else. I know i sound emo (i really should start working the black clothes, black hair and heavy eyeliner - though i can imagine the reaction that would garner from everyone)... unfortunately, that's just how it is. And the blog gets the emo, because the rest of the world prefers to close their eyes to the problems of others. Which is fair enough, because everyone has their own thing to deal with. You know what i mean - you ask 'how are you', and the only answer you really want to hear is some variation of 'fine thanks', nothing more explicit than that.
In the midst of my gloom and jelly, i've been waxing philosophical about this and that. Random sample: can you really love someone if you don't want to be there for them, even if it's hard for you? and is commitment to someone you love meant to be a difficult decision? Surely if you love someone you just want to be with them all the time and that's what matters. And why is it exactly that God sits up there watching us all and piling misery onto us and not doing anything about it, even when we ask him? That just seems kind of mean... is it to teach a lesson? or because he really doesn't step in to change things at all? GAH, the problem with philosophy lies in the fact that there are no answers. I hate not having answers.
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