I slept until lunch. I went out and blew money on books. I tried to blow money on other things, but couldn't find anything that was worth it. I came home. I ate. I only just opened the documents i need to keep writing me essay.
I was supposed to go on a Law Pub Crawl tonight. I paid the $15 for my tee-shirt. I roped in a friend to come with me. Then, at 2pm this arvo, that friend bailed. Awesome (note pissed off sarcasm). Now i don't really want to go... and yet, i really do want to go. On the one hand, i want to go out, have fun, drink, forget how much my life sucks at the moment, and hang out with my uni friends. But on the other hand, there's the fact that i don't really know my uni friends all that well. Which is why i invited along my non-uni friend. The presence of a good friend means that i can make conversation with my uni peeps without being the outsider. The absence of that friend means i'd be hanging around on the edges, feeling awkward. I'd probably have fun - but i'd also spend the night stressing out and trying to fit in. And i never really do a good job fitting in. What i was looking forward to was a fun, stress free night out where i didn't have to feel worse about myself for being the loser that stresses about talking to friends she's not really close to. GAH! I'm so ridiculous for not going. But i just can't deal with more stress right now. And i am majorly pissed off with both friend and self.
On top of that, i'm still stressing about another situation that's making me feel pretty awful. I've got that horrible feeling in my stomach, i'm miserable, i'm teary. I'm not being over dramatic. I'm just being me - the me who's not going to have an easy job of picking herself up after yet another fall...
So i'm sitting home alone tonight, studying. I'm pulling down all of the photos in my room, because i no longer have any idea who the people in them are. The empty space on the walls matches nicely with that hole in my stomach. Maybe i could do a Peyton Sawyer and paint all of the walls black? Though i don't think my mother would appreciate it...
I was supposed to go on a Law Pub Crawl tonight. I paid the $15 for my tee-shirt. I roped in a friend to come with me. Then, at 2pm this arvo, that friend bailed. Awesome (note pissed off sarcasm). Now i don't really want to go... and yet, i really do want to go. On the one hand, i want to go out, have fun, drink, forget how much my life sucks at the moment, and hang out with my uni friends. But on the other hand, there's the fact that i don't really know my uni friends all that well. Which is why i invited along my non-uni friend. The presence of a good friend means that i can make conversation with my uni peeps without being the outsider. The absence of that friend means i'd be hanging around on the edges, feeling awkward. I'd probably have fun - but i'd also spend the night stressing out and trying to fit in. And i never really do a good job fitting in. What i was looking forward to was a fun, stress free night out where i didn't have to feel worse about myself for being the loser that stresses about talking to friends she's not really close to. GAH! I'm so ridiculous for not going. But i just can't deal with more stress right now. And i am majorly pissed off with both friend and self.
On top of that, i'm still stressing about another situation that's making me feel pretty awful. I've got that horrible feeling in my stomach, i'm miserable, i'm teary. I'm not being over dramatic. I'm just being me - the me who's not going to have an easy job of picking herself up after yet another fall...
So i'm sitting home alone tonight, studying. I'm pulling down all of the photos in my room, because i no longer have any idea who the people in them are. The empty space on the walls matches nicely with that hole in my stomach. Maybe i could do a Peyton Sawyer and paint all of the walls black? Though i don't think my mother would appreciate it...
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