There are so many situations in which the line between two scenarious is so blurred that it's hard to see where one ends and the other begins. People have to use their judgement to decide which one is right and which is false. I've started to wonder whether people jump to the conclusion that is easiest for them to handle.
Take, for example, a statement that could be interpreted in one of two ways. Either as an insult, or as a throw-away comment. Interpteting it as a statement meant cruelly is a perfect excuse to create some distance in an already complicated relationship. Breathing room, distance, time to think. Much easier than continuing on a track with a possibly disastrous end. The way you chose to interpret something changes everything.
Scenario two? We have a friend who's disapeared from our radar. Occasionally, she'll pop up for a coffee with someone, or a quick stop-in. She used to be our best friend, a perfect part of our group, we were in sync. But now, we know next to nothing about her. She's as good as gone - and not for a lack of our trying. It started with her refusing invitations out. She used all sorts of excuses; no money, no energy, a bad day, a bad week, her boyfriend didn't want to... we heard them all. We have eventually figured that she really just doesn't care about us anymore, doesn't need/value our friendship, or miss us.
What if we have the wrong idea? What if there's something wrong and she's backed off because she just can't deal? We've all assumed, sefishly, that she just doesn't think we're worth her time anymore. What if we've overlooked something that's hurting her? We've got no idea. I worry that the girls are quick to assume that nothing is wrong, and that whoever doesn't want to see you anymore has just decided they don't need their friends. It's not unusual for girls just to bitch about their friend abandoning them... what if something is really wrong? They'd never know. If i dropped of the face of their earth, would they think that it was because i didn't need them anymore?
The decisions people make about how to interpret a situation could make so much difference. The easiest interpretation may not always be the right one. So how do you tell?
Take, for example, a statement that could be interpreted in one of two ways. Either as an insult, or as a throw-away comment. Interpteting it as a statement meant cruelly is a perfect excuse to create some distance in an already complicated relationship. Breathing room, distance, time to think. Much easier than continuing on a track with a possibly disastrous end. The way you chose to interpret something changes everything.
Scenario two? We have a friend who's disapeared from our radar. Occasionally, she'll pop up for a coffee with someone, or a quick stop-in. She used to be our best friend, a perfect part of our group, we were in sync. But now, we know next to nothing about her. She's as good as gone - and not for a lack of our trying. It started with her refusing invitations out. She used all sorts of excuses; no money, no energy, a bad day, a bad week, her boyfriend didn't want to... we heard them all. We have eventually figured that she really just doesn't care about us anymore, doesn't need/value our friendship, or miss us.
What if we have the wrong idea? What if there's something wrong and she's backed off because she just can't deal? We've all assumed, sefishly, that she just doesn't think we're worth her time anymore. What if we've overlooked something that's hurting her? We've got no idea. I worry that the girls are quick to assume that nothing is wrong, and that whoever doesn't want to see you anymore has just decided they don't need their friends. It's not unusual for girls just to bitch about their friend abandoning them... what if something is really wrong? They'd never know. If i dropped of the face of their earth, would they think that it was because i didn't need them anymore?
The decisions people make about how to interpret a situation could make so much difference. The easiest interpretation may not always be the right one. So how do you tell?
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