When it comes to having friends, i've always been a little outside of the bell curve.
When i was a little kid, my two best friends were boys, and we got up to all sorts of mischief together. Then, i befriended two little girls, and we were absolutely inseperable for years. We made up plays and performed them to the class, adored our dolls and barbies and were constantly imagining new worlds to play in. As we grew up a little, they became the 'popular' girls (you know, the ones that are gorgeous and outgoing, even at age 8?). I was chubby and shy, but i somehow was still friends with them.
By the time we got to year four, i really didn't fit in anymore. So i moved schools. I remember spending a big part of my first year reading books in the library everyday at lunch. But eventually i found some friends. The next nine years was spent with me flitting between groups. Somehow, at the end of year twelve, i had a big group of friends and we all hung out together. The two little girls that i'd been best friends with for years were in my year, but we weren't friends anymore. Still, in our big group of girls, i was pretty happy.
After school had finished, we all drifted apart a little. Some of us went overseas, some of us went to different unis, some of us saw each other once a month or so to catch up. But, over time, we had less and less in common and when we caught up it was more to quickly inform each other about what we've been up to, rather than laugh over shared adventures.
Now, almost two years after school, things are pretty different. The girls that i were close to and i are slowly seeing less and less of each other. We're still friends, sure. But things definately aren't the same. We have less memories to share with one another, and the gap between us is growing. Some got boyfriends and never quite figured out how to fit both best friends and boyfriends into the equation. No longer do we know everything about each others lives, and no longer do we feel comfortable sharing all of our secrets with each other.
When this started to happen, at first i was ok, because i had some really good friends at church. But, that fell apart. Now, i don't speak to those good friends. I had a huge falling out with one of them and we don't speak anymore. Another doesn't know where our friendship stands - and i'll admit that i don't either - so it looks like we're just going to avoid one another rather than go back to being friends. A third is a little younger than me, but we have so much fun. However, people are always telling us that spending time together is inappropriate (which really isn't fair, because it's only a year or two between us). Now, there are so many people at church that i'm avoiding, that i spend more time running away than i do having fun.
Somewhere along the line, friendships got lots more complicated. There were no more barbie dolls and cabbage patch kids, no more fairy birthday parties to laugh about, no more girls weekends to look forward to and no more calling someone up to say 'hi' and end up talking for hours about everything that was going on in our lives. No more girl-boy friendships, where things were uncomplicated, no more innocence and trust, no more simplicity.
I'm not sure when it happened, but things suddenly became very complicated. Nothing is the same, and i'm left feeling like all of my supports have blown out from underneath me. But, things have changed a great deal since i was three years old, so i can only assume that they'll change again soon enough. At least, i hope so.
When i was a little kid, my two best friends were boys, and we got up to all sorts of mischief together. Then, i befriended two little girls, and we were absolutely inseperable for years. We made up plays and performed them to the class, adored our dolls and barbies and were constantly imagining new worlds to play in. As we grew up a little, they became the 'popular' girls (you know, the ones that are gorgeous and outgoing, even at age 8?). I was chubby and shy, but i somehow was still friends with them.
By the time we got to year four, i really didn't fit in anymore. So i moved schools. I remember spending a big part of my first year reading books in the library everyday at lunch. But eventually i found some friends. The next nine years was spent with me flitting between groups. Somehow, at the end of year twelve, i had a big group of friends and we all hung out together. The two little girls that i'd been best friends with for years were in my year, but we weren't friends anymore. Still, in our big group of girls, i was pretty happy.
After school had finished, we all drifted apart a little. Some of us went overseas, some of us went to different unis, some of us saw each other once a month or so to catch up. But, over time, we had less and less in common and when we caught up it was more to quickly inform each other about what we've been up to, rather than laugh over shared adventures.
Now, almost two years after school, things are pretty different. The girls that i were close to and i are slowly seeing less and less of each other. We're still friends, sure. But things definately aren't the same. We have less memories to share with one another, and the gap between us is growing. Some got boyfriends and never quite figured out how to fit both best friends and boyfriends into the equation. No longer do we know everything about each others lives, and no longer do we feel comfortable sharing all of our secrets with each other.
When this started to happen, at first i was ok, because i had some really good friends at church. But, that fell apart. Now, i don't speak to those good friends. I had a huge falling out with one of them and we don't speak anymore. Another doesn't know where our friendship stands - and i'll admit that i don't either - so it looks like we're just going to avoid one another rather than go back to being friends. A third is a little younger than me, but we have so much fun. However, people are always telling us that spending time together is inappropriate (which really isn't fair, because it's only a year or two between us). Now, there are so many people at church that i'm avoiding, that i spend more time running away than i do having fun.
Somewhere along the line, friendships got lots more complicated. There were no more barbie dolls and cabbage patch kids, no more fairy birthday parties to laugh about, no more girls weekends to look forward to and no more calling someone up to say 'hi' and end up talking for hours about everything that was going on in our lives. No more girl-boy friendships, where things were uncomplicated, no more innocence and trust, no more simplicity.
I'm not sure when it happened, but things suddenly became very complicated. Nothing is the same, and i'm left feeling like all of my supports have blown out from underneath me. But, things have changed a great deal since i was three years old, so i can only assume that they'll change again soon enough. At least, i hope so.
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